tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post1118109110179430898..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - Juggling Parish and Parent Care EditionStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-91085959240386418842011-05-14T01:29:20.246-04:002011-05-14T01:29:20.246-04:00have expanded on this now as a blog post at InSpir...have expanded on this now as a blog post at <a href="http://infuse.posterous.com/revgals-response-on-dementia-caregiving" rel="nofollow">InSpirit</a> as it is such a current topicInfusehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15829338643001912249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-77385609212045395562011-05-13T23:09:55.500-04:002011-05-13T23:09:55.500-04:00i'm currently living this reality as well. my ...i'm currently living this reality as well. my caregiving is for my mom and a 60 yr old cousin with early alzheimers, both living in separate care homes on opposite sides of the city. <br /><br />i have found it is full time involvment that insures they receive the care required and first hand observance brings more understanding than continual wondering. care home staff and operation is not infallible. educating myself in understanding their disease has been empowering and enlightening. i'd encourage you to explore and discover more from professionals in this healthcare area to help you. is there a caregivers' support group from which you could benefit by attending and learning? <br /><br />i would encourage you to stay as involved as you can,understanding this is a time of interdependance of Christ's Body, rather inviting assistance in your parish work - or delegation of - seeing this as a time for your parishioners to carry more ministry that will enable you to fulfill your caregiving role with your parents to the level of peace you desire. you will appreciate having done so when they have passed on. some may even be interested in care home visitation as ministry on a regular basis and you could be instrumental in establishing this new mission outreach. God is calling in so many new ways as our population ages and this situation becomes the norm. opps to see as He sees - hear as He hears...<br /><br />persons with dementia do not have a capacity for retention of understanding setting appointments for future events, so that isn't a consolation for them or you. it's your ministry of presence that matters. and your prayers for Holy SPirit's comfort and care of them while away. <br /><br />might you ask for some volunteer or church member who would consider being a regular companion that would be faithful in attending to time with your father? this will comfort you as well as him in the regularity and familiarity. most care homes are aware of organizations offering paid companion positions if that is an option.<br /><br />i bless you with the Peace of Christ to mount that guard over your heart and mind that sets you free to do and be all for which you are created.Faith Hope and Cherryteahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06170392449995588653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-19644855941106069142011-05-12T11:46:11.973-04:002011-05-12T11:46:11.973-04:00As a layperson with aging parents 250 miles away, ...As a layperson with aging parents 250 miles away, I want to share a book that I've found extremely helpful. It's called "They're Your Parents, Too" by Francine Russo. I initially found it in my local library and it has made a huge difference in my relationships with my siblings (which I would have said were bulletproof, but when you deal with aging parent issues, everything can change!) Highly recommended.Mary Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02970052534402740820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-36520848051553181132011-05-12T10:19:22.815-04:002011-05-12T10:19:22.815-04:00When I was still the full-time caregiver of my mot...When I was still the full-time caregiver of my mother, who lived with me for 25 years and had been diagnosed with Altzheimer's, she refused to get out of bed one Sunday morning. I could (and did) dress a child and make him or her go to church (I have three), but it's impossible to do that with an adult. And I figured the congregation might notice if I didn't show up (you know, empty pulpit and all that -- tongue firmly in cheek), so I had to leave Mother at home that day, at least during the 11:00 o'clock service. I called to let my people know I wouldn't be there during the Sunday school hour, and they understood. I prayed over the potluck after the service, but not knowing what Mother might have done (in her advancing stages of dementia), I didn't stay to eat. Not even long enough to take plates home for Mother and me.<br /><br />After getting shingles, possibly because of the stress, I put Mother in a nursing home, where they nearly killed her. (Long story.) That's when my guilt ramped up. My sister, who lives about an hour away and doesn't work outside her home, took Mother in, but lasted only a few weeks before putting her in a nursing home there. She (my sister) also got shingles from the stress of visiting our mother daily in the nursing home. (Side note: Our two brothers left the caregiving tasks to us.)<br /><br />It isn't easy to minister to the people of your congregation and take care of children and/or parents, but you must take care of yourself. I should have put Mother in a nursing home BEFORE I got shingles.<br /><br />Mother died in 2004, and I am now retired from the Holston Conference of the United Methodist Church.Bonnie Jacobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07813549471704485150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-73015297324212958342011-05-12T09:38:24.307-04:002011-05-12T09:38:24.307-04:00I am concerned about one of the previous posters c...I am concerned about one of the previous posters comment "your parish is your main priority" I too struggle with a ton of guilt about not being able to be present to my parents and my children/spouse in the way that I would like to be but I know that they are, not only wonderful blessings in my life but part of my life's vocation. I think that by naming the guilt you have accomplished the first step. I also think that it is okay sometime to say to parishioners, "I need to be with my dad today...I won't be able to attend that meeting, event, etc. For some crazy, unknown reason God has called us to be clergy folks but also, undeniably called us to be mothers, daughters, sisters, etc. - I don't believe that one is at the expense of the other. So, it is always, always a constant balancing act and continuous reminder of our humanity and need for grace.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-38484403268021311552011-05-12T07:54:55.372-04:002011-05-12T07:54:55.372-04:00I so understand the complexity of feelings in this...I so understand the complexity of feelings in this situation. My mom is still alive, but 500 miles away. There is no way I can do more than get there for an occasional whirlwind stay. I stopped staying at my siblings' homes because it was a strain on all of us. They are taking the brunt of the day-to-day decisions and grunt work, and so I do a lot of listening to them, trying not to second-guess their decisions. But yes. The guilt. It sucks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com