tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post115766477973394483..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch: In Sickness and in...Stephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157911383141621502006-09-10T14:03:00.000-04:002006-09-10T14:03:00.000-04:00These are great! Thanks to all. I wrote over at ...These are great! Thanks to all. <BR/><BR/>I wrote over at my place about <A HREF="http://marybethbutler.typepad.com/terrapin_station/2006/09/pastoral_visits.html" REL="nofollow">an incident of pastoral care that didn't go so well.</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157798306264576332006-09-09T06:38:00.000-04:002006-09-09T06:38:00.000-04:00CPE - the best thing on earth for getting rid of h...CPE - the best thing on earth for getting rid of hospital phobia. I discovered that doctors were oh too human like everyone else and that patients - not all - but most were way happy to see someone who just wanted to listen to them and who had no desire to stick them with a sharp object.Nina Reederhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10164699526587736134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157760068071013152006-09-08T20:01:00.000-04:002006-09-08T20:01:00.000-04:00Hospitals are part of life for me, I would say, do...Hospitals are part of life for me, I would say, don't be afraid, people are still people, they are often vulnerable and feel disconnected, be yourself and don't worry about being insensitive... it usually helps to smile and laughSallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01759963926280667938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157744795155253992006-09-08T15:46:00.000-04:002006-09-08T15:46:00.000-04:00A hearty thank you and an enthusiastic "Amen!" for...A hearty thank you and an enthusiastic "Amen!" for both the responses of our matriarchs and the comments too. <BR/><BR/>This is just so helpful!Suehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03407981987874669303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157720052622680382006-09-08T08:54:00.000-04:002006-09-08T08:54:00.000-04:00Well done... both post and comments.Thank you.Well done... both post and comments.<BR/><BR/>Thank you.will smamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06632209393133155385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157714456952229322006-09-08T07:20:00.000-04:002006-09-08T07:20:00.000-04:00Our local hospital has one fulltime Protestant cha...Our local hospital has one fulltime Protestant chaplain, and she is supplemented by local pastors covering nights and weekends, mostly out of the goodness of their hearts (weekend chaplains receive the not-very-massive stipend of $15 per 24-hour shift). I volunteer once a month and probably get a call 4 or 5 times a year. These are almost always middle-of-the-night calls, for which you definitely go in with ID badge and report to the nurse's station. It's different in that having been called in as the staff chaplain, you are on the medical team and therefore privy to patient information that a pastor does not get anymore due to HIPAA. The first task is triage, determining who called and what their relationship is to the patient--it might be a staff or family member, sometimes the patient him/herself, often the call doesn't come until a person has already died. I always come with a Bible in these cases, and I use it 90% of the time. On these calls, I always offer prayer, and it has never been refused, since that is usually what they are looking for when they call for the chaplain. These are also usually quick visits, although at least twice the staff has called on me to convince a family to leave the dead loved one's side so the room can be cleared, and that takes more time. (On one of those calls, a fight had broken out among the family members just before I arrived, and the situation remained tense.)<BR/>It can be high adrenaline ministry.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157705938504775252006-09-08T04:58:00.000-04:002006-09-08T04:58:00.000-04:00Oh, I do wish there was something like CPE availab...Oh, I do wish there was something like CPE available here. There really doesn't seem to be any equivalent.<BR/>This is all great stuff, and very helpful timing for me as the Gloucester NHS Trust is currently one hospital chaplain down due to ill health, which means that there is a single full time chaplain covering 4 major hospitals (with some part time support) . As a result, local clergy have been asked if we are willing to join an on-call rota for the weekends, and I'm on the list.Generally, hospital visiting seems to be a diminishing part of ministry here. Patients have to specifically request a visit before even the hospital chaplain is allowed near them, and so often people are home before anyone even knows they've been in hospital. Before ordination, I was part of a lay hospital chaplaincy team. So often, people would comment that we were the only visitors who came without a specific medical agenda. In those situations, I rarely mentioned God; presence seemed the only thing needful, then I'd pray like crazy as I drove home.Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09171138485811816831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157698670617593702006-09-08T02:57:00.000-04:002006-09-08T02:57:00.000-04:00One of the most pastorally significant relationshi...One of the most pastorally significant relationships for me happened because when I asked "would you like for me to pray with you before I go?" he said, somewhat apologetically, "no." I said, "That's just fine. It was a real question. I'll check on you another time." He had so many preachers visit (that's a different story) that didn't ask and he was very uncomfortable with the assumed familiarity. When I respected his "no," he let me be his pastor.The Vicar of Hogsmeadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01484138554317024346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157693959665088372006-09-08T01:39:00.000-04:002006-09-08T01:39:00.000-04:00terrific, terrific answers. Thank you all for doin...terrific, terrific answers. Thank you all for doing this. It's helpful but it's also fun to read (esp you St C ... you crack me up!)<BR/><BR/>We had an interesting discusssion in seminary about prision visits (prison chaplaincy is a big thing in ex soviet countries) and I'd love to hear your experiences on that too.<BR/><BR/>blessings and loveAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157688130742420102006-09-08T00:02:00.000-04:002006-09-08T00:02:00.000-04:00These responses and comments are so wonderful! Th...These responses and comments are so wonderful! Thank you!<BR/><BR/>I wanted to add -- so often I have realized that my presence, as pastor, is so much more important than I think I am. However, I've also had occasion to realize that sometimes we think our presence is more important than it <BR/>actually is. Especially in situations where a patient has a prolonged surgery, I have found that some folks would love me to be present with the family from beginning to end and some families would rather not have the pastor around after the initial prayer. I generally ask a family how present they wish me to be, making sure they know how present I am willing to be, but allowing for their familial preferences. <BR/><BR/>I realized this after my own family went through my grandfather's prolonged heart reconstruction and the pastor kept appearing every couple of hours. It was terribly awkward and felt very intrusive and the pastor didn't seem to pick up on my grandmother's suggestions that he needn't be there. Finally, I had to gently tell him that Grammy needed him to not come back. He was fairly offended by that, but it taught me a good lesson about self-importance vs. respect of family wishes, regardless of how weird they may seem to us from the outside.<BR/><BR/>Thanks again for these lovely thoughts. I appreciate your wisdom!Aprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02803049148666438704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157685732623966102006-09-07T23:22:00.000-04:002006-09-07T23:22:00.000-04:00You will find the guidelines for hospital visits t...You will find the guidelines for hospital visits that GalleyCat referred to at revabi's blog. Here is the link for it: <A HREF="http://vicarofwadley.blogspot.com/2006/09/hospital-visits.html" REL="nofollow">St.John's Rev Abi: Hospital Visits</A><BR/><BR/>You are welcome to use them for yourself, your congregation or share them.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14654861033242845082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157685385451172892006-09-07T23:16:00.000-04:002006-09-07T23:16:00.000-04:00I've done 8 months of CPE (two units plus the past...I've done 8 months of CPE (two units plus the pastoral care practicum) and I want to echo the comment about sitting down. standing there just makes you look uncomfortable and anxious. have a seat, if there is one. it may turn a five minute visit into a ten minute, but it might be worth it. And ditto again on the asking what people want to pray for--it opens conversation and it also helps you to pray for them later!<BR/><BR/>i love this feature. thursdays are my fave day!Terihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10838436991138846332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157682575540323412006-09-07T22:29:00.000-04:002006-09-07T22:29:00.000-04:00My "other" vocation is in music therapy, and I wan...My "other" vocation is in music therapy, and I want to echo the importance of validating the 'personhood' of the person you are visiting. Speaking to the staff is a courtesy - you don't have to preach, just let them know who you are, AND that someone cares about this particular patient (who may be hard to manage because of behavior and language issues from their disability!) You are giving the staff member encouragement too, by doing that.<BR/><BR/>My dad, who was a physician, noted that he felt like his pastor was not 'in a hurry' when he came to visit Dad when he was terminally ill. The pastor was only there about 5 minutes, or less, but he SAT DOWN or found a place to perch, would take off his coat and just chat. He would frequently visit in the morning, and then on his way home from the church office. We would call it "fully present" - but Dad felt like he was giving every bit of those times to him, and him alone.<BR/><BR/>And -- do I have to say it?? TURN OFF your cell phone or put it on vibrate. <BR/><BR/>I'm looking forward to taking CPE after I pay my "dues" with all the prereq's. :)<BR/><BR/>DebDebhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07077252518911858612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157679613810598752006-09-07T21:40:00.000-04:002006-09-07T21:40:00.000-04:00Having been on the receiving end of pastoral care ...Having been on the receiving end of pastoral care this year during my mom's hospitalization and death, I can only say "Bravo!" to all the great advice.<BR/><BR/>When my mom was taken from our small county hospital to a large metropolitan hospital, our pastor met us there; that meant a lot. He arrived while dinner was being served, and after talking with us he incorporated the Eucharist into Mom's dinner...it was very moving and appreciated.<BR/><BR/>On the morning my mother died they couldn't reach my pastor right away, so one of the hospital chaplains, a Benedictine nun, stayed with me until he got there. I wasn't very coherent, but I do remember her just being there with me and not forcing conversation or theology on my experience of the moment. When my pastor arrived we spent some time in Mom's room saying goodbye, and then he drove me home -- told me to leave my car in the lot and he'd get someone from church to drive it back to my house for me. That was most helpful, because I really wasn't in a frame of mind for an hour-and-a-half drive. And, like the sister, he didn't lay a theological trip on me; we prayed together, but he didn't attempt to "explain" why this happened, nor did I have any desire for him to do so.LutheranChikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02685566332651377907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157677351322566902006-09-07T21:02:00.000-04:002006-09-07T21:02:00.000-04:00I have had l8 months of CPE..but the comments are ...I have had l8 months of CPE..but the comments are terrific. These are "everything I wished I knew about hospital visits but was afraid to ask--" and the answers are great, helpful (and from my l0 years in ministry "right " No one every forgets that the pastor came and visited them...pastor girl (called this by 3 year old--in spite of my being in my 7th decade!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157677314738014172006-09-07T21:01:00.000-04:002006-09-07T21:01:00.000-04:00Presence, I have found, is the most important thin...Presence, I have found, is the most important thing. Just knowing you are there means so much.<BR/><BR/>As to the illness thing--that's a tough call. Most hospitals will tell you not to come if you have had a cough, runny nose, etc. for 48 hours beforehand. This is for the protection of all their patients, not just the one you are going to see. It's amazing how easily germs can be spread by railings, elevator buttons, etc. <BR/><BR/>On the other hand, there is the tug of pastoral care.<BR/><BR/>I do wish I had had CPE--my biggest regret about seminary. It wasn't required, but I think it should have been. As soon as I can scrape the ducats together, I'm going back for it.<BR/><BR/>At least I worked in a hospital (as a ward clerk) for a while, so I'm comfortable in a hospital, I know the routines, etc. Tubes and bags hanging on poles do not faze me.<BR/><BR/>Hmm, come to think of it, that was part of God preparing me for this work, wasn't it?Rainbow Pastorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16294525557328362313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157676434180501672006-09-07T20:47:00.000-04:002006-09-07T20:47:00.000-04:00One of my greatest regrets is not visiting a heart...One of my greatest regrets is not visiting a heart patient because I had a cold. I sent a Deacon instead, and when he came from the visit to a meeting at church, it was clear from the look on his face that the situation was dire. I wish I had gotten in the car then. My parishioner died around dawn the next morning. <BR/>So I think the judgment call for me now is as much around the condition of the patient as around the condition of me. My cold couldn't have made things worse for him at that point. Wash your hands right before you go in and don't touch your face. Use common sense. But make the decision in the double context of your health and the likelihood of the patient's demise.<BR/>JMHO.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157675821661063222006-09-07T20:37:00.000-04:002006-09-07T20:37:00.000-04:00Here's my challenge: How sick is too sick to visi...Here's my challenge: How sick is too sick to visit? I mean,if you have a cold, how big a cold does it have to be to prevent you from visiting? Last week I had 4- count 'em- 4 people at three different hospitals on the same day. I called them all that night before to tell them I wouldn't make it because I didn't want to infect them, then I called a reliable and sensitive elder who made her way by at least 3 of the four. Opinions?Becky Ardell Downshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06668654420252380253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157674293847226732006-09-07T20:11:00.000-04:002006-09-07T20:11:00.000-04:00And I'll echo my thought from last week -- this is...And I'll echo my thought from last week -- this is my very favorite day!! I love gleaning the wisdom of my more experienced peers.Theresa Colemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12134175277230355640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157674155070158802006-09-07T20:09:00.000-04:002006-09-07T20:09:00.000-04:00I do a good deal of visitations. I think the most...I do a good deal of visitations. I think the most important thing to remember is to LISTEN. If it's time for you to go, you probably will hear hints about that. If they really don't want you to go, most people will give hints about that, too. I've had clergy visits in the hospital that seemed like "pray and run." Boredom cannot be underestimated in the hospital.<BR/><BR/>I like St. C's answer about prayer -- one of my first hospital visits as clergy was a retired seminary professor -- he taught pastoral care. He lovingly told me to ask if it's OK for prayer -- it actually can be problematic with heart patients. If they think that you are praying b/c they are sick, you can actually cause a heart incident.<BR/><BR/>And if you are an introvert, go with someone else who has more experience and see what they do. Just go along for the ride.<BR/><BR/>I have thoughts about baptizing babies in the NICU (I did some of that this summer) and I may post that on my blog....Theresa Colemanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12134175277230355640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157673485682502202006-09-07T19:58:00.000-04:002006-09-07T19:58:00.000-04:00I ditto reverendmother!I would add that I always c...I ditto reverendmother!<BR/>I would add that I always check in at the Nurse's Station, for two reasons:<BR/>1) The patient may have been moved. Maybe it's just me, but this seems to happen fairly often on my watch.<BR/>2) Particularly if the patient is intubated or non-communicative, I want the staff to know that people care about him or her. It's the same principle that guides nursing home visits to folks with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. The patient may or may not know you have been there, but the staff will note that this is a person who has not been abandoned by the world. That was the advice given me by my field ed pastor and one of the best things I learned that year, because those visits can be very hard to make.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157673225376927792006-09-07T19:53:00.000-04:002006-09-07T19:53:00.000-04:00OK, I totally adore these responses. They are all ...OK, I totally adore these responses. They are all so different yet the pastoral compassion shines through. I would love to have any of you visiting me!reverendmotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07457532866087494676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157671910655330922006-09-07T19:31:00.000-04:002006-09-07T19:31:00.000-04:00Thanks for the helpful hints. I started CPE last w...Thanks for the helpful hints. I started CPE last week. So far, I have learned that I have much to learn. One other note, if it is a large hospital with paid parking, stop by the chaplain or pastoral care office to have your permit stamped, or to pick up a hospital registration card for clergy.mid-life rookiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07477633857058924514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1157671283362514952006-09-07T19:21:00.000-04:002006-09-07T19:21:00.000-04:00Wonderful! Hubby starts CPE (sorta) in two weeks!...Wonderful! Hubby starts CPE (sorta) in two weeks! So I printed this for him!hip2bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00043622691294207012noreply@blogger.com