tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post116492283321149837..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch—Was it you? Was it me?Stephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164992458644249502006-12-01T12:00:00.000-05:002006-12-01T12:00:00.000-05:00okay, i haven't been at this long (2 years unordai...okay, i haven't been at this long (2 years unordained, two months in a "real" job), but I can say this:<BR/>I have bad filters. I sometimes do and say things I don't even mean, and I occasionally make people angry. But I have yet to discover that anyone has left because of something I did or said.<BR/><BR/>So...it's not you, it's them. If only there was a Dear Pastor John letter. ;-)Terihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10838436991138846332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164986240510467472006-12-01T10:17:00.000-05:002006-12-01T10:17:00.000-05:00I've seen this from the other side too - as as peo...I've seen this from the other side too - as as people connected to church leadership, can I make a plus for encouraging our friends to try not to do this? I had a really good talk with a friend who has essentially left her church - partly because of something the pastor did, partly because very good friends of theirs with kids the same age go to this other church. She didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to hurt people's feelings, but we talked, and she ended up sending the pastor a quick email just saying where they were and what was going on. I think we can help people understand from the pastor's perspective that it really is okay to choose another church, but that church should be a place where we can be honest about that.Susie/Nueva Cantorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13111443190777358634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164983248218790842006-12-01T09:27:00.000-05:002006-12-01T09:27:00.000-05:00We had a very faithful member of our congregation ...We had a very faithful member of our congregation abruptly stop coming to church because, in the course of a Lenten teaching series, our pastor had mentioned process theology -- he hadn't endorsed it, mind you, but simply described it as a way that people in academia were thinking about God these days. This individual confronted the pastor afterward and said, "My God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow!" and stomped home. Well.<BR/><BR/>At least that's a discernable "goodbye." When I think about my own estrangement from the Church, many years ago, it was a much longer process that really, in retrospect, had far more to do with me and my own internal processing at the time than it had to do with the congregation or even with the Church in general. But...with that caveat...<I>no one</I> from my congregation "came back for" me. No one called; no one visited. Would it have made a difference? Maybe. At the time I was feeling very alone and alienated, and some friendly contact -- "If you're taking a church break, that's okay, but know we're hanging with you and praying for you" -- may have made a difference. So those of you who do those things are doing a good thing, even if you don't experience a positive result, at least in the short term.LutheranChikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02685566332651377907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164946819364141402006-11-30T23:20:00.000-05:002006-11-30T23:20:00.000-05:00this is such hard stuff. thanks for the wisdom.this is such hard stuff. thanks for the wisdom.more cows than peoplehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15848597902402114593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164945404653537462006-11-30T22:56:00.000-05:002006-11-30T22:56:00.000-05:00Listen to all of us! Yes it sometimes is the pasto...Listen to all of us! Yes it sometimes is the pastor (I have had this happen, hated it, didn't get a t shirt even), it still haunts, but not as much. I amazed at how much you did to get in contact with these folks. And it probably isn't about you, but that has never stopped me from being miserable about people leaving. Blessings on the matriarchs--- again this is my favorite place to come and get laughs, love and well, community. GailAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164936556255989792006-11-30T20:29:00.000-05:002006-11-30T20:29:00.000-05:00Oh how I love Thursdays.Oh how I love Thursdays.reverendmotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07457532866087494676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164925279261676412006-11-30T17:21:00.000-05:002006-11-30T17:21:00.000-05:00really good advice! And you seem to have done all ...really good advice! And you seem to have done all you can. <BR/><BR/>I had a young family leave last year who told me it was because the dying grandfather felt like I was giving him the Last Rites when I took him communion (we don't do Last Rites!) But then they told everyone else they spoke with a different story - they moved too far away to drive in every Sunday, they felt alienated from the congregation, the daughter had too much homework, no one called to find out how they were doing (they didn't think the fact that their phone was disconnected and their new address unlisted was a good enough excuse) Whatever the real reason may be, I've finally decided it's not all about me. :-)Maria Tafoyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13920977030140327974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-1164923574305068072006-11-30T16:52:00.000-05:002006-11-30T16:52:00.000-05:00Great advice from everyone! I concur -- it *isn't...Great advice from everyone! I concur -- it *isn't* about you. I bet everyone here can tell at least one story about a parishioner leaving the church because of something the pastor supposedly did. I truly think that in 99% of those cases, the person was just looking for an excuse to leave... Hugs to all who've been hurt in this way -- myself included. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com