tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post1363760287796479854..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch: Taking It PersonallyStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-72122361169371576312013-08-24T03:07:44.410-04:002013-08-24T03:07:44.410-04:00Occasionally people will warn you of their departu...Occasionally people will warn you of their departure, sometimes before, sometimes during and sometimes after the event. In all three situations, I encourage them to be farewelled, and blessed, which requires them to be brave and to say why they feel called to be elsewhere. I do this because of some wisdom I read once in a book by two New Zealand nuns. They said that farewelling people properly creates a safe space for them to return if they change their mind. Being bitter about them leaving closes the door forever. Grace begets grace. RevRAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-86014637613484214912013-08-23T04:09:38.662-04:002013-08-23T04:09:38.662-04:00Muthah+ says: "Jesus didn't say anything...Muthah+ says: "Jesus didn't say anything about keeping them in the pews." This is profound! Thanks, Muthah+.Bonnie Jacobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07813549471704485150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-709766968241641452013-08-22T17:58:27.812-04:002013-08-22T17:58:27.812-04:00So much good wisdom in this array of responses, wo...So much good wisdom in this array of responses, wow. I am reminded of a senior colleague in ministry in a medium-small parish where the complaint was made that he/his personality/his ministry had DRIVEN AWAY a total of TWENTY-ONE households or individuals in the previous year. So finally he took the parish list and checked the twenty-one departed. To his amazement, twenty of them had moved out of the community altogether -- and, as he said with a laugh, "the twenty-first person was so mad at me, he actually up and DIED."<br />Somewhat more seriously...haven't we all in our lay-existence left churches? parishes? denominations, even? And how often did we do that because of a failure of the pastoral relationship? Didn't we feel entitled to get up and get out? And why shouldn't others?<br />Finally... what if it IS ... us. It's just another manifestation of the knobbly and inconvenient reality that we have no accurate notion of the effect we have on other people just by being who we are. Some people will think we are just wonderful. Some will think we are utterly useless. What we can do about that is very little. So I concur, send them on their way with a blessing, and prepare to greet the next who come through the door.Crimson Ramblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13020190454645032359noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-13543756224021179242013-08-22T12:24:17.666-04:002013-08-22T12:24:17.666-04:00This is a conversation I needed to hear today. Tha...This is a conversation I needed to hear today. Thank you. I am an interim pastor serving a congregation where many have chosen to not be present during the interim times, so some see me as the reason the others have stopped attending. Not taking it personally can be very difficult even when I know it is not me that is the problem, but rather the many issues that have not been faced and named. <br /><br />I remember too, the family who stopped attending a small membership congregation I was serving who told me that they loved the congregation and would like to someday be involved, but they had stopped attending because they recognized how much they were needed and were not ready to be needed by any congregation in the ways the small congregation needed people to be involved. I was amazed by their insight and ability to speak it.<br /><br />Thank you all for this forum.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-63640887632924566562013-08-22T10:51:07.976-04:002013-08-22T10:51:07.976-04:00I would agree with the wise counsel of those above...I would agree with the wise counsel of those above, and add that during my three decades of ministry, we are all "in process," all in a state/on a journey of becoming; that's why I take comfort in Paul's words about one person planting, another watering, and God is the one who harvests. Much of our ministry is invisible-we don't see the consequences over the long haul. Of course it can hurt, and discourage us, however it goes with the territory in that Jesus made it quite clear when he called us what we were getting into-cross and suffering, as well as resurrection, but there is no resurrection without the cross and suffering. Blessings. Eclecticityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01515852321697380521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-62451988684302847262013-08-22T08:43:57.351-04:002013-08-22T08:43:57.351-04:00I agree with what has been posted above and just w...I agree with what has been posted above and just wanted to add that I understand your disappointment/emotion about loosing the family you had gotten close to. Of course the loss hurts - when you love others and they leave for whatever reason it is not easy. It does say something positive, in my opinion, that they went to another church. I think that the saddest loss of all is when we lose someone and they leave church all together - it is then that it feels like our (and the churches) human limitations and brokenness has been destructive or hurtful. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com