tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post1852235720450032463..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - Between "Just say no!" and "Figure it out yourself!"Stephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-45289020405479418452013-03-07T21:09:37.947-05:002013-03-07T21:09:37.947-05:00Thank you, all, for your rich and thoughtful contr...Thank you, all, for your rich and thoughtful contributions to this conversation. So many good resources and ideas here!!earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-88631884236716100412013-03-07T17:23:45.870-05:002013-03-07T17:23:45.870-05:00Another book that might be helpful is Making Sense...Another book that might be helpful is <i>Making Sense of Sex: Responsible Decision Making for Young Singles</i> by Michael Duffy. I haven't actually read it yet myself, but from listening to the interview with Duffy on the Westminster John Knox Press podcast (<a href="http://www.wjkbooks.com/Products/0664233376/making-sense-of-sex.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://www.wjkbooks.com/Products/0664233376/making-sense-of-sex.aspx</a>), it sounds like it might strike exactly the balance you're looking for -- not assuming that young people are going to "just say no," but neither therefore assuming that "anything goes."Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552221110548320109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-78393319789250858222013-03-07T14:14:01.277-05:002013-03-07T14:14:01.277-05:00We do an every-other-year retreat for junior high ...We do an every-other-year retreat for junior high kids on sex/dating/relationships. I highly recommend the retreat setting since it allows for time to build trust, which is really important for the conversation. We've mostly made up our own curriculum, but we also try to talk about sexual orientation, since 'wait until you're married' is kind of hard to imagine if, say, you're not going to be allowed to get married (although my state changed that last fall, woohoo!). Shalomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06089748396867624769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-84326135845047747582013-03-07T09:24:45.279-05:002013-03-07T09:24:45.279-05:00I would recommend Margaret Farley's "Just...I would recommend Margaret Farley's "Just Love", if you haven't read it already. She proposes a framework of mutuality, equality, commitment, and justice when thinking through sexuality. While it's not a curriculum, it's a good place to start - I find her framework a good basis when talking about sexuality. ramonahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01034492637745064803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-84721828775242114722013-03-07T09:20:01.664-05:002013-03-07T09:20:01.664-05:00Oh wow - what a fantastic idea !Oh wow - what a fantastic idea !une precheressehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01176557283736956394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-73313158106979816602013-03-07T09:12:08.023-05:002013-03-07T09:12:08.023-05:00A side note to all of this-- I've been hearing...A side note to all of this-- I've been hearing from a few women in their 20s about "Red Tent" gatherings. Apparently, drawing on the popular book of the same title, women (mostly outside the church) are getting together to create spaces where women, especially young women, can safely talk about, and celebrate, the sacred gifts and challenges of full embodiment. <br /><br />I have been daydreaming, since I heard about this idea, and imagining what such a gathering would look like in the context of Christian community. What would it be like, for our young people, if there were special "coming of age" retreats where they could address issues of sexuality in a joyful, sacred context that takes sex seriously? Such a retreat could draw on our heritage of "mystic union" poetry, like the Song of Songs and the writings of the Beguines, who wrote passionate love poems to God... it could be a wonderful environment in which to emphasize the weightiness of God's gift of embodiment, emphasizing that self-care and intimate relationships reflect God's covenant with us. <br /><br />For some, structures and attitudes in our congregations or denominations may prevent such an event from happening...still, it's wonderful to imagine how it might alter some young lives for the better.MaineCelthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06318937035647123010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-74676480183564482442013-03-07T08:34:14.543-05:002013-03-07T08:34:14.543-05:00That's such a shame because it sounds like yo...That's such a shame because it sounds like you have so much widsom to share.<br /><br />I have the outline of a sermon on the Song of Songs in my head that goes something like "sex is great, God invented it and we're supposed to enjoy it". One day I'll have the opportunity to preach it :-)une precheressehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01176557283736956394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-79812390278147319882013-03-07T08:06:40.300-05:002013-03-07T08:06:40.300-05:00The issues that I discussed with my children (now ...The issues that I discussed with my children (now young adults were)<br />- sex is God-created and part of that "very good" part of Creation (they always blush and laugh)... in other words, it is meant to be part of a bond in a couple's relationship, AND it can be self- destructive<br />- we talk about self-destructive behaviors as it relates to sex: promiscuity, STDs, pregnancy, lack of trust, <br />- we also talk about "serial monogamy" and how it is hard on present and future relationships, that expectations can be really really hard to deal with<br />- we don't insist on "no sex" but we do encourage thoughtful "pre-sex" conversations... and if a prospective partner finds the conversation part unnecessary or unimportant, we ask out loud -- if it is more than just biology and hormones (which they agree it is) and if someone does not want to discuss "what it means" in terms of the relationship, then it should be a cautionary flag<br /><br />One of our children remains celibate at 22 but that is that child's choice because so many friends were sleeping with their "flame of the week" and they saw the self-destructive part of that.<br /><br />The other two were in committed relationships before marriage, but took a step back from the physical side to talk about the future -- faith, children, income, etc. before getting engaged and married. <br /><br />The sad part about this is that AT MY CHURCH I am only allowed to give the "just say no" doctrine. I got my hands slapped big time. Now I only talk about sex in closed, confidential settings and I tell my counselees what "the church says" and what *I* think is a better approach.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-51732730752337934632013-03-07T02:52:16.965-05:002013-03-07T02:52:16.965-05:00We did a homemade curriculum a couple of years bac...We did a homemade curriculum a couple of years back (reminds me its probably time to get it out again for the next group coming through). We did several sessions including:<br /><br />* a factual "what has happened to my body?" session led by one of the doctors in our church (he's a grandfather and has a great "way" with kids, so they asked him all the stuff they were embarrassed to ask their parents or teachers.) <br /><br />* a separate girl/boy one about self-image, anorexia and media-pressure for the girls and self-image and pornography for the boys.<br /><br />* a joint one about "sex is really important and can have big consequences, so THINK first".<br /><br />We got complaints both from the "just say no" parents and from the "do it if it feels right" parents, so I think we got it about right. <br /><br />The whole thing was at the initiative of one of our younger couples, and they led the 3rd session. Background being that they had found themselves with a "surprise" baby on the way while still in college. They talked (among other things) about how challenging it was to become parents at such a young age... Options including abstinence and contraception were discussed.<br /><br />We are in a culture where pre-marital sex and co-habitation is 100% the norm, including for the under 30s in our baptist church. Being an old lady of 46 this bothers me somewhat, but my daughters tell me its because I'm "out of touch". So I'm trying to focus on thinking about consequences and not letting themselves be pressured into anything they're not comfortable with.<br />une precheressehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01176557283736956394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-38988365781719734782013-03-07T00:36:54.918-05:002013-03-07T00:36:54.918-05:00One thing I would suggest in considering these que...One thing I would suggest in considering these questions is to make sure to talk about the positive side of relationships, sex, marriage etc. not just the things to say no too. If all your curriculum talks about is the negative than not only will your audience tune you out (especially if they are already having sex and don't think its a big deal) but also in the long term you doing very little to help them learn what a healthy positive relationship looks like. (Since just getting married does not actually guarantee healthy relationships)<br />Lauren Winner has a book on sex that might be good for the young adults you work with. I appreciate that it acknowledges that women have sexual urges not just men and she does lay out a theological foundation for her arguments. Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03858223134565915596noreply@blogger.com