tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post6837893424517475733..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - From Generation to GenerationStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-28992178765983143752010-09-10T11:30:27.074-04:002010-09-10T11:30:27.074-04:00I have found Bowen's Family system theory to b...I have found Bowen's Family system theory to be particularly helpful. Right now I am reading Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times which does a good job of giving an overview of the theory. I agree with the others, having clear boundaries in your own mind is key. The longer your pastor in a setting, the more likely the families are to try to draw you in to their dynamics. The danger is that this can be flattering because you are invited and accepted but you are not part of their family you are their pastor and that requires a different role and clear boundaries. I have fallen into the "daughter" role at times only to find it difficult to be in the pastor role during crisis.sanctifyingsarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02079695570374409705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-53377723336971932722010-09-10T00:45:16.135-04:002010-09-10T00:45:16.135-04:00I have been in two congregations with a 4 generati...I have been in two congregations with a 4 generation family represented; one of those families was enormous (10 out of 15 offspring from the 2nd generation were members!). That one had some very complex issues. What ultimately worked best was to take each person as an individual as much as possible: listen, support, pray, encourage as appropriate...just stay out of the tangled family relationships. Not always easy, for sure.Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07399176212493797062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-34911689505362059732010-09-09T20:20:01.935-04:002010-09-09T20:20:01.935-04:00I agree with Muthuh: It's important to be clea...I agree with Muthuh: It's important to be clear on your role.<br /><br />Beyond that, I think that ministering to several generations of a family is similar to ministering in a small congregation: You have to be very intentional in forming relationships with each individual, and they must be personal relationships, not mediated through a family member. <br /><br />Sometimes that makes me feel like my personality is split into many pieces: I'm X's pastor, Y's, Z's, and in each of those circumstances, the primary relationships are between X or Y or Z and me and God. When someone attempts to triangulate, I can always say, "Let's talk about what you think God is saying to YOU in this situation."<br /><br />Good luck. It's a challenge, especially if yours is a family church.Suzynoreply@blogger.com