tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post8339973553447597240..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - Theological ConflictStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-48099151852280104532010-11-20T11:36:25.804-05:002010-11-20T11:36:25.804-05:00Singing Owl, I so agree - it really isn't abou...Singing Owl, I so agree - it really isn't about theology ultimately, but about the person's emotional needs. <br /><br />Some of the comments above indicate that it would be best to help this person move into another congregation or denomination. While I agree that would certainly be best both for the congregation (and pastor) involved as well as for the individual, I just want to reiterate that sometimes the individual see it as his/her mission to stay in the congregation *in order to challenge them*. That was certainly the case with the person I was dealing with, and from other background our questioner wrote but didn't want included in this post, I believe that's the case we're dealing with here. I think it's very difficult to help a person move on when s/he thinks that God has placed them there for the congregation's enlightenment.earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-78692751804984914242010-11-19T17:15:19.755-05:002010-11-19T17:15:19.755-05:00Chiming in a bit late...a bully or abusive person ...Chiming in a bit late...a bully or abusive person usually needs to be handled very directly. Sweetness to a bully doesn't often help...is this woman a bully? I think it is rarely about scripture or doctrine in these sort of scenarios. It's about trying to feel "big" by making others feel small. Just plain old unacceptable.Dorcas (aka SingingOwl)https://www.blogger.com/profile/15626748280614018533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-31448985821977294622010-11-18T18:28:15.946-05:002010-11-18T18:28:15.946-05:00I think the not-arguing is excellent advice. And a...I think the not-arguing is excellent advice. And as one of my pastorly friends puts it -- better that a person be a faithful and happy fundamentalist in a fundamentalist church than an unhappy member of the [fill in the denomination]; it isn't "failing," either as a pastor or as a faith community, if a "Bible-believin'" antagonist finally leaves for a church home whose viewpoints more closely match his/her own.LutheranChikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02685566332651377907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-12301927478858602010-11-18T13:41:14.516-05:002010-11-18T13:41:14.516-05:00I'm fortunately not dealing with this particul...I'm fortunately not dealing with this particular situation right now, but I was dealing with it in the not-so-distant past, and it was such an energy-drain. For me, trying to help the person move on from our church wasn't much of an option because she actually saw herself as on some sort of mission from God - to enlighten us. <br /><br />The best I could do was try not to be defensive and try to protect others from her abuse. Most people seemed to take what she said with a grain of salt - they realized she was a negative person, and a contrarian - but I did worry about how new people and young adults were affected by her.earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-88705351637449494442010-11-18T12:00:45.023-05:002010-11-18T12:00:45.023-05:00I think we've all either been there already or...I think we've all either been there already or will be there soon, just because our society is moving rapidly.<br /><br />In addition to the wonderful suggestions above, I have sometimes found that asking, "How does that play out in our faith lives and our everyday practice?" can at least point to the commandment to loving one another, friends and enemies, saints and sinners. In my experience, these are rarely the people who want to confront the sinners personally; they want me to do it in their stead, and I can say, "I hear what you're saying, but that is not the role to which I'm called." And, of course, no one else is privy to the way we counsel parishioners, so they would never be satisfied in that way.<br /><br />I also think, though, that sometimes people need to be helped to understand that perhaps they belong in another congregation or denomination. Some "interpretations" are central to who we are, and if someone doesn't believe that, why is she here? Who benefits? What is the eventual goal? Is her participation in our congregation serving to separate her from the love of God? We work very hard not to let people do that to others; we ought to try also to help them avoid doing it to themselves and us.Suzynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-2350568914188384962010-11-18T11:03:36.727-05:002010-11-18T11:03:36.727-05:00wow. I think I could have asked this question... ...wow. I think I could have asked this question... this week! <br /><br />I think the response given to not directly come back at them with scripture is helpful. It puts me at an automatic disadvantage in some ways b/c I am not always familiar with the translation they are using and I don't think fast enough in scripture... =) <br /><br />This particular person in my life stopped by to drop off some things and we ended up having an hour long conversation... which really slipped into debating... I let my frustration get the better of me in that particular instance... but I do feel threatened in some ways by their challenges. <br /><br />With a few days in between, I responded back to them, using another piece of scripture, and it didn't get us anywhere. <br /><br />The fact is, you can quote scriptures back and forth forever and never land anywhere. It isn't helpful. It isn't listening, b/c you are always thinking ahead to your next chess move. <br /><br />So I'm all for letting that piece of the argument go, and just loving them and caring for them.Katie Z.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01143363139786424632noreply@blogger.com