tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post8684853388904722921..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - Dealing with ConflictStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-81502475010236795572012-11-24T11:07:14.860-05:002012-11-24T11:07:14.860-05:00I've just discovered that I overlooked a respo...I've just discovered that I overlooked a response by one of our Matriarchs. <a href="http://comfortjoy.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow"> Sharon </a> writes:<br />Perhaps you are too good at dealing with conflict, so their conflicts keep landing in your email and your lap and wherever they throw them. What might you do to teach / lead your congregation to deal with their own conflicts? Have you considered leaving them alone to resolve it themselves sometimes?<br /> <br />Yes, it can get better if your congregation is growing and maturing and learning to trust. I encourage you to judge success by their progress in navigating community life competently, rather than by whether you can do better (you can, of course!) or whether they will ever be conflict free (they won't, of course!).<br /> <br />And no, this is not what ministry is like, if by "this" you mean constant conflict, dreading emails, being mistrusted and disrespected, and using up all your mental and emotional energy on this stuff. You don't say what you love about them, what you are looking forward to, or how this congregation replenishes your energy. I want you to have that list going too! <br /> <br />Jesus came that we might have life abundant, even in church, even in ministry. If this setting is not life-giving for you, consider whether God is calling you and them to a new thing. Is that new thing something you can do with them? Or is God calling you to a new place?<br /> <br />Prayers for wisdom and grace in this challenging ministry!earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-58371788554526410982012-11-24T10:55:46.931-05:002012-11-24T10:55:46.931-05:00This is so wise, and something I need to work on.This is so wise, and something I need to work on.earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-23299022254296495982012-11-23T16:13:51.361-05:002012-11-23T16:13:51.361-05:00What great responses! For my part, and on a compl...What great responses! For my part, and on a completely practical level, I have learned (the hard way) that it does not work for me to open e-mail within 2 hours of bedtime or between Sunday afternoon and Monday morning (first thing). I have a few reasons for this: first of all, if it's an emergency that needs to be responded to NOW folks will use the phone (eg, a death or serious illness); secondly, worrying about what I just read, during hours in which there is nothing I can do about it anyway, does no one any good (and keeps me up at night or wakes me up in the wee small hours with worry); thirdly, reading e-mail when I have the time and energy to deal with it (and the means) allows me to operate out of reason rather than anxiety. Even now, whilst my primary work is staying home with my son, I find that these rules I have made for myself about e-mail are helpful. Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04619770797618421513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-59973730360392203142012-11-22T22:25:41.342-05:002012-11-22T22:25:41.342-05:00Great quote! Thanks for sharing it!Great quote! Thanks for sharing it!earthchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12447310443886956100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-68101445158162516172012-11-22T13:34:51.673-05:002012-11-22T13:34:51.673-05:00I'm not sure I can add much more wisdom that h...I'm not sure I can add much more wisdom that has already been shared, but I will add a quote I recently ran across that helped me begin to change my view of conflict.<br /><br />Conflict is, to choose a simile, like sex. Victorians saw sex as something one must tolerate, learn to live with, but not enjoy. Most persons voice the same negative mindset toward conflict. Like sex, conflict should happen between persons committed to be present with continuity, occur with appropriate frequency, be mutually exciting to both, activate both parties equally to contribute their best selves, and be prolonged until mutually satisfactory climax is possible for each. When it is over, both should feel better as a result. And its energy should then empower other areas of life with vitality and creativity. Like sex, conflict is a source of joy, fulfillment, empowerment, and celebration. <br /><br />David W. Augsburger. Conflict Mediation Across Cultures: Pathways and Patterns. Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1992, pp. 66-67.<br /><br /><br />Another useful book is Church Conflict: from Contention to Collaboration by Norma Cook Everist. In it she explores conflict and gives some ways to "dig deeper" into it and then guide the conflict in healthy and productive ways.<br /><br /><br /><br />The Lady Fatherhttp://www.kiltsdjembesandredboots.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-85572097064723766272012-11-22T07:13:46.035-05:002012-11-22T07:13:46.035-05:00It sounds like they are putting you in the middle....It sounds like they are putting you in the middle. I have been in a similar situation and I found the best way to break the pattern is to bring it to council meetings...lay it out on the table. My general response was "if this is bothering you then bring it to our next meeting." Encourage them to talk to each other and not through you. This is work caring for a church with trust issues and all churches are not like this.Gaylehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03275263701242825369noreply@blogger.com