tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post881089094741465243..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch - Out of Bounds Shut-in EditionStephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-6617499491005096832009-03-23T18:45:00.000-04:002009-03-23T18:45:00.000-04:00I haven't any advice to offer, but I'd love to cop...I haven't any advice to offer, but I'd love to copy this column to share with our pastoral care group. Even tho I can't think of anyone quite like this person among the flock we visit, I'm sure we've all run into those behaviors one time or another. It will be a good conversation starter for our monthly meeting. May I please copy it?Wrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18315136703233797428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-89003180019590274132009-03-19T20:06:00.000-04:002009-03-19T20:06:00.000-04:00I am -- ahem -- acquainted with an individual who ...I am -- ahem -- acquainted with an individual who sounds a great deal like this individual. in my situation, this lady has been a leader in the community in many ways, but a chronic illnesss is gradually depriving her of her independence. She has the insight to recognize her own feelings of helplessness, frustration and anger...but sometimes these get channeled into the sorts of behaviors mentioned. When I engage with this person, I have to remind myself to not take her "bait" of gossip, negativity, etc. I try to keep a handle on the conversation and channel it in more positive directions...which in my case I do by asking HER questions.LutheranChikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02685566332651377907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-36982873391353225772009-03-19T11:22:00.000-04:002009-03-19T11:22:00.000-04:00This person is definitely "hooking" something in y...This person is definitely "hooking" something in you - something you might want to take up with your spiritual director or peer group. That is the first thing I would do to maintain my ability to pastor this person. During your visits -- allow her to vent for a limited amount of time -- then have a time for prayers - offering prayers for all the people she mentions and for her concerns including your prayers for the Fab 5 to give you a makeover (oh -- that's a joke -- probably leave that out).Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07287169546184325690noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-79451699178175190482009-03-19T10:47:00.000-04:002009-03-19T10:47:00.000-04:00My goodness, she changed denominations and moved s...My goodness, she changed denominations and moved so far away? When did that happen? I saw her just on Monday!<BR/><BR/>Really, now, we all have this parishioner in our lives.<BR/><BR/>Most of the dear saints at St Stoic who act like this are terribly lonely. I limit my visit time-wise, but visit much more frequently.<BR/><BR/>Often people who are this caustic are testing out the old "self-fulfilling prophecy" dynamic. They may be afraid that people won't come around, so they make sure to <I>reject</I> people before they can <I>get</I> rejected themselves.<BR/><BR/>For these, a once-a-month 60 minute visit is more wearing on the pastor and on the shut-in than popping in casually twice a week to say "hello" for ten minutes. They learn that the pastor is reliable, and keeps coming back no matter how nasty they are. Eventually they will soften. Or not. Either way, you have shown them the love of Christ.<BR/><BR/>(I'm not a Matriarch, but I play one on TV.)Juleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18324456402703897094noreply@blogger.com