tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post7164320372327587555..comments2023-11-03T05:46:44.728-04:00Comments on RevGalBlogPals: Ask the Matriarch -Stephanie Anthony/She Revhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-29589905927324799232010-02-06T07:21:06.445-05:002010-02-06T07:21:06.445-05:00Thank you all so much for your responses! The ques...Thank you all so much for your responses! The question was from me, newbie that I am. All the feedback was so helpful and I will probably refer to this post time and time again as I feel my way along.<br /><br />Thanks also for the final Anonymous comment...that is so, so true. Griefs MUST be acknowledged; I'm sorry that your church community didn't support you in your time of loss. I will remember your comment.realsarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07389606753472379452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-86186592754737485722010-02-05T14:27:14.102-05:002010-02-05T14:27:14.102-05:00As someone who was recently bereaved, I would sugg...As someone who was recently bereaved, I would suggest that you at the very least send a card of condolence ("from Pastor X and the XYZ church family") or something like that. Our relative passed away and NO ONE from our church or their church acknowledged our loss. It was like it happened in a black hole. So err on the side of offering/being present/sending a card rather than doing nothing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-48223896925698577112010-02-04T14:56:48.379-05:002010-02-04T14:56:48.379-05:00A non-pastor weighing in here. One of the most gr...A non-pastor weighing in here. One of the most grace-full examples of pastoral care I've ever witnessed came after my mother's death. It was expected and we had received support and care from our pastor and church community throughout her illness. She lived half-way across the country, but we were equally supported by the church family of her congregation, in which both my husband and I had grown up. Upon returning home, we received a visit from our pastor - well, not really "we." The visit was to our barely teen-age son and how appropriate that was! So much attention and concern had been directed at me, because I "lost" my mother. But my son was also grieving the death of a person very important in his life and had sort of been set aside in all of the pastoral care. So my suggestion would be to consider ALL the members of the family - including the younger ones who especially might not feel a part of the "home" congregation that doesn't really know them. More than 20 years later, my son still talks about this, with gratitude, as an example of what Christian sisterhood/brotherhood is supposed to be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-67627113264486589192010-02-04T14:09:20.088-05:002010-02-04T14:09:20.088-05:00I don't have too much to add at all to the mat...I don't have too much to add at all to the matriarch's advice. Their suggestions have been my experience, too. I definitely attend the local funerals of members' family, card during illness or at death. I keep track of anniversary dates of deaths that I'm made acutely aware of, sending cards at the 1 year mark and 1st Christmas after death.<br /><br />The way I deal with hospital visits is by asking the family member, "Would you like me to visit them with you sometime?" I don't feel comfortable going to visit someone who is a member of another church just on my own. It doesn't feel like pastoral care to my own church, but crossing a line to me. If I'm visiting with my member it seems like I'm supporting him/her during their visit instead of providing care to their family member.<br /><br />I was invited to assist in one funeral of a church member's mother, and it went according to the textbook because it was a very savvy family. The family asked their minister...no wait...it was even better, their minister graciously asked the family (a daughter in this case) if they wanted me to participate. It was a fantastic and smooth event.Stephanie Anthony/She Revhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10089531643725874239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14710344.post-61993801906326929482010-02-04T12:52:57.843-05:002010-02-04T12:52:57.843-05:00It occurs to me that you also have to be careful w...It occurs to me that you also have to be careful with family members to remember that not everyone in the family may share the same faith or the same level of faith. It never happened to me, but it did come up with some of my fellow interns during Clinical Pastoral Education where family would request a visit that clearly just made the patient uncomfortable.Rebeccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03858223134565915596noreply@blogger.com