God of Pentecosts-
We have received from you an inheritance of fire, not of ashes.
You have breathed your Spirit into us and we have been born anew.
And now our raised hands look for your purpose.
Our feet look for your path.
We look to spend our inheritance as fools for your grace,
As fools in your grace.
As fools by your grace.
Amen.
~a supportive community for clergywomen and their friends since 2005~
Monday, May 20, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Sunday Prayer (Pentecost)
Rush upon us.
Overtake and consume us,
O Holy Fire,
O Holy Fire,
until divisions turn to dusty ashes
and walls of pride collapse.
Spill out over us.
Surround and overwhelm us,
O Satisfying Fountain,
until we waste love's richness
without measuring cost.
Dance among us.
Well up and erupt within us,
O Dynamic Word,
until our tongues know words of peace
and our souls speak reconciliation.
Friday, May 17, 2013
11th Hour Preacher Party: When you pray, move your feet!
Recently I listened to an interview by Krista Tippett, "On Being," with Congressman John Lewis (originally broadcast the end of March 2013). The interview was so moving that I immediately bought Lewis' book, Across That Bridge, Life Lessons and a Vision for Change.
Both the interview and the book conveyed Lewis' DEEP faith and his profound belief that the kingdom of God is already here, we just need to live into it. Every act of social justice is a step toward making real - within us and the world - the reality of God's kingdom which is ALREADY present!
"Faith is being so sure of what the spirit has whispered in your heart that your belief in its eventuality is unshakable..."
Pentecost Sunday strikes me as the perfect day to celebrate this reality - that God's dream that all people have the means to live fully and equally because we are all made in God's image, made good to do good IS already a reality, all we have to do is live into it.
For me, this is what the Book of Acts ultimately conveys to us: in the giving of the Holy Spirit and the formation of the Church, God's desire that all creation love one another as God love's us is already a reality.
Lewis makes note of the training that Rosa Park's received prior to that fateful day when she refused to give up her bus seat:
"The new theology (Miles Horton) studied posited that faith
should respond not only to the ethereal needs of humanity, but it
should have a holistic impact on the lives of believers and on the
communities in which they lived. If faith had power, he declared, then
its ability should be challenged to answer even our physical and
material concerns and not be reserved for religious services and
activities. If faith had meaning, its benefits should accrue not only
after death, but it should have the capacity to answer the cries of
humanity here and now..."
But of all the phrases I could quote in this very moving book perhaps my favorite is this African saying:"When you pray, move your feet!"
On this day when we celebrate the birth of the Church, what aspect of the Holy Spirit is tugging at you? Where are you feeling called to move your feet? What text is the Holy Spirit whispering in and through your heart?
This is the 11th Hour Preacher Party. Let's dance together through this day as we seek the words to speak into the cries of humanity and remind our people, as we make a wish and blow out the birthday candles, that
"Life is like a drama, and any person who is truly committed to an ideal must believe in the authority of a divine plan. Not a rigid, micromanagement of human behavior that predicts every step of every individual, but a set of divine boundaries that governs the present, the past, and the future—a set of principles humankind does not have the capacity to override, no matter how far we attempt to stray from its dictates."
Pull up a chair, here's a mug...would you like coffee or tea? And, thank you ALL for the gifts of your presence that you bring and share with this party.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Friday Five: Be on your way
RevGal Jan is under the weather, so we are swapping weeks for the Friday Five. (Feel better, Jan!) Actually, I want to thank her because she inspired me when she recently shared this poem by Rumi:
I reflected on this poem for a while and thought about some new "roads" that my progeny are beginning. Both are graduating (one from high school, one from college). I am also looking at a possible new "road" in a much hoped-for job. It's been a winding path to get this point!
So in thinking about our life's journey, and the rhythm of our lives, here's five questions on this theme...
1. What "road" is in your immediate future?
2. Where have you been "traveling" a lot lately -- and are you going back there?
3. Who are your fellow travelers?
4. Who are the unintentional companions (or hitchhikers) that you find on the road with you?
5. As a family, we always recite "the traveler's prayer" -- a tongue-in-cheek petition as we pull out of the driveway ("Lord, whatever we have forgotten, may it not be important!") What have you forgotten lately, and did it matter?
BONUS: Share a photo of a road you've traveled. Or of traveling companions who have made the journey special. Or perhaps there's a song or another poem that suits your journey. If so, please share!
Please let us know if you play by adding your link in the comments! We'd love to journey with you! :)
Use this format to include your post's URL:
<a href="the url of your blog post goes here">what you want the link to say goes here</a>.
P.S. This is a busy week for our family! I'll be in and out all day, but will make sure I catch up with everyone who posts by Saturday!
It's your road, and yours alone.
Others may walk it with you,
but no one can walk it for you.
 |
| A road in Bavaria. |
I reflected on this poem for a while and thought about some new "roads" that my progeny are beginning. Both are graduating (one from high school, one from college). I am also looking at a possible new "road" in a much hoped-for job. It's been a winding path to get this point!
So in thinking about our life's journey, and the rhythm of our lives, here's five questions on this theme...
1. What "road" is in your immediate future?
2. Where have you been "traveling" a lot lately -- and are you going back there?
3. Who are your fellow travelers?
4. Who are the unintentional companions (or hitchhikers) that you find on the road with you?
5. As a family, we always recite "the traveler's prayer" -- a tongue-in-cheek petition as we pull out of the driveway ("Lord, whatever we have forgotten, may it not be important!") What have you forgotten lately, and did it matter?
BONUS: Share a photo of a road you've traveled. Or of traveling companions who have made the journey special. Or perhaps there's a song or another poem that suits your journey. If so, please share!
Please let us know if you play by adding your link in the comments! We'd love to journey with you! :)
Use this format to include your post's URL:
<a href="the url of your blog post goes here">what you want the link to say goes here</a>.
P.S. This is a busy week for our family! I'll be in and out all day, but will make sure I catch up with everyone who posts by Saturday!
Thursday Prayer
"Lord Jesus, come into my heart; pray in me and with me; so that I may learn from you how to pray."
~Mother Teresa
~Mother Teresa
Ask the Matriarch -- Moving Toward Moving On
For those of us in denominations with a search and call process, there comes that awkward moment when we feel called away, but not yet called to a new setting. How do you remain faithful in ministry while moving toward moving on? Here is this week's question:
I have served my church as pastor for 8 years. It's the first church
I've served. Three years ago, I thought it might be time to move on,
but the timing just was not right. We were in the middle of some
serious conflict, and while I really wanted to quit, it was not the
right time. In the past 6 months or so, I've been clear in my heart
that it is time to move on now. So, I've entered 'search and call' with
my denomination, and I'm what they call "in circulation." Kind of like
a library book. Anyway, now that I have come to the decision to leave,
that's all I think about. It's making me feel increasingly discontent
and restless. It is hard to find my mojo on Sunday mornings - writing
sermons is like pulling teeth from an alligator, and Lord, committee
meetings now are the worst! I just don't want to do any of it. I have
to force myself. My question is this: while waiting on a new call, do
you have any hints on maintaining your spiritual health in order to
faithfully serve in your current call?
Here are some thoughts from Muthah+, blogging at Stone of Witness:
Yes, I have known this malaise. I have even left a parish without a next call--I do not recommend this. It isn't good for them and it certainly isn't good for your career.
The best advice I can give is relax! Right at the moment your
head is in your next call even if you don't know what that is. You have
an obligation to your present community of faith. You have fought the
good fight with them. In your prayer ask for the gift to stay present
to your present flock until you leave. Do your best to prepare them for
that which comes next without making apparent that your are leaving.
Get some advice from a professional interim or some of our RevGals on
preparing the congregation for your leaving.
For you, the congregation is no longer the one to whom you are
called---that is ok. We all have to preach to those to whom we are not
called at times. It is also when we can be the most pastoral or the
most prophetic. Your role has changed and that may give you a different
way of looking at your work in the congregation. Becoming a bit more
detached may just give you what you need to survive until the next call.
And in your preaching remember you are not preaching TO them. You are revealing Christ to the world--that you must do whether you are called there or not.
The more intuitive in the parish will know something is going on
but keep your counsel until you have been called somewhere else. A
parish always feels betrayed when their pastor leaves even for
retirement.
I always felt that the position of pastor or priest was always a
'flash in the pan' in the life of a congregation. So I always tried to
prepare the parish for the pastor's leaving while I was still called
there. It is sort of like the parent who knows that they don't get to
'keep' their children. They constantly have to be prepared to push them
out of the nest. The congregation has to be constantly encouraged to
take on the pastor's duties, to take on the ministry for the sake of the
whole community, etc. This new work may take the edge off your wanting
to be somewhere else. Meanwhile, prayers ascend.
 |
We welcome Jan Edmiston back to the Matriarchs panel; her blog is A Church for Starving Artists:
As you are preparing to leave, this is a good time to prepare your
current congregation to be led by someone new. Are they equipped to
continue ministry without you? Are there specific people you might
mentor to prepare them for the day you leave?
I find it helpful to pray for the unknowns: for
your next congregation to be prepared to welcome you, for the next
pastor of your current congregation that she/he will serve them well,
and for you to carry on until that next call is revealed, that you would
be prepared for your next community.
Blessings in this search.
Jennifer, blogging at An Orientation of Heart, offers a few quick, practical questions:
Have you taken all of your continuing
education time? Now might be a very good time to nurture your soul with a great
class, workshop, retreat or week away with some great books. If you have the
time coming, I would definitely look in to taking it.
Have you made a list or written in your
journal about what you do appreciate about your current call? Thinking with
intention and praying about what, if anything, sustains you where you are might
be a good exercise.
The Alban Institute has great publications
on leaving well. And while you are discerning a new call and not yet leaving,
you’re mentally preparing to leave. Reading some of their books or
articles might prove to be helpful.
Do you have a spiritual director? Perhaps checking
in with someone new or familiar would be helpful right now.
All the best to you in this season of
waiting and wondering…
*************************************************
Readers, if you have thoughts to add, please share them in the comments.
We'll be back next week with another question. Could you use a word from the Matriarchs? Email us: Ask the Matriarch.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Wednesday Festival--Inspiration Edition
As I was reading through the RevGal blogosphere this morning I was truly inspired.
Kristin at Liberation Theology Lutheran actually made me miss being "the pastor" as she shared pictures of the gorgeous creations she and her church created at their Create In Me Retreat. Check it out--it's a beautiful witness to creativity in church and how everyone can participate.
Jan at The Painted Prayerbook offers a moving blessing for Pentecost.
Gord at Following Frodo shares his perspective altering experience of his local Chairleaders' Event.
Lastly, Teri asks the important question, "Are pastors basically “umbrella realignment
specialists”?" Really, head over to Clever Title Here to see what she means—it’ll
be worth your while!
Wednesday Prayer: Conscientious Objector
May 15 is observed by many as International Conscientious Objector's Day.
Conscientious Objector
I shall die, but
that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall;
I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba,
business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle
while he clinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself:
I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip,
I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where
the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death;
I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabout of my friends
nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much,
I will not map him the route to any man's door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living,
that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city
are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall;
I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba,
business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle
while he clinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself:
I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip,
I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where
the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death;
I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabout of my friends
nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much,
I will not map him the route to any man's door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living,
that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city
are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
a Tuesday prayer...
...for this real-ness of life,
I give thanks.
...for the torti cat watching me pray this prayer, with half open eyes, purring loudly, waiting for me to finish so that she might jump on my lap,
I give thanks.
...for the delicious dinner out last evening, complete with coconut tofu sticks and fig and gorgonzola pizza and vegan shepherd's pie, with good wine, and amazing, amazing women who make Sunday School happen at my church,
I give thanks, and PRAISE, and awe.
...for the tiny two and half year old child who touched my glittery scarf two nights ago and said, "I loooove your scarf" and then took off his sandals to run barefoot through the room,
I give thanks, and smile.
...for the 15 and a half year old blind, deaf, loud, incontinent poodle snoring at my feet,
I give thanks, (and pray for patience)--
Sometimes, I think, I need Your presence.
And then I remember,
in the real-ness of life,
you are Everpresent.
Sometimes, I wonder what the heck it is I am doing here, where the heck am I going,
and then
You remind me,
to Be All Here.
In the real-ness of life.
and,
I give thanks...
and remember to consider the lilies.
Amen.
I give thanks.
...for the torti cat watching me pray this prayer, with half open eyes, purring loudly, waiting for me to finish so that she might jump on my lap,
I give thanks.
...for the delicious dinner out last evening, complete with coconut tofu sticks and fig and gorgonzola pizza and vegan shepherd's pie, with good wine, and amazing, amazing women who make Sunday School happen at my church,
I give thanks, and PRAISE, and awe.
...for the tiny two and half year old child who touched my glittery scarf two nights ago and said, "I loooove your scarf" and then took off his sandals to run barefoot through the room,
I give thanks, and smile.
...for the 15 and a half year old blind, deaf, loud, incontinent poodle snoring at my feet,
I give thanks, (and pray for patience)--
Sometimes, I think, I need Your presence.
And then I remember,
in the real-ness of life,
you are Everpresent.
Sometimes, I wonder what the heck it is I am doing here, where the heck am I going,
and then
You remind me,
to Be All Here.
In the real-ness of life.
and,
I give thanks...
and remember to consider the lilies.
Amen.
Tuesday Lectionary Leanings: Many Tongues Edition
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear (divided, fractious, sometimes [often?] disappointing) church.
Happy birthday to you!!!!
OR maybe a more formal prayer?
Spirit God,
blow into our lives,
move us to action,
break down the walls that separate us.
Where our language divides, offer us translation.
Where our fear overcomes, fill us with the fire of courage.
Where our lives are becalmed, fill our sails with wind,
moving us forward into the unknown future.
Fill us with the hope and promise of Pentecost!
Amen.
Yes indeed we have reached the end of the Easter season. The great 50 days are over (or will be soon anyway). And it is time for the early church to move from a small private movement sharing their stories and memories to a quickly growing movement that will, eventually, conquer the Empire [only to become a new Empire itself, but perhaps that is a chapter for another day]. Pentecost is here!
You can read the Pentecost readings for Year C here.
The powers that be give us an interesting pairing of readings this year in the RCL cycle. The tower of Babel and the Pentecost story. Language divided and the divisions of language overcome. Is this the equation the writer of Luke-Acts was intending? Or is this an overlay we have added in later years?
 |
| or the same language as usual--just louder |
Or maybe you are tired of hearing (and preaching) about people speaking in many tongues every year. So is this the year you preach on John's Jesus promising to send the spirit of truth that the world can not receive?
 |
| WE could use some peace |
What does Pentecost worship look like in your context? Will people wear red? Wave ribbons? Will you open the windows and let the wind blow through? Last Sunday after worship this area was hit by a microburst with winds up to 102 kph (about 64 moh) which left a trail of destruction in its wake. Is that the sort of wind that blows through the church on Pentecost? (and what about the fire....)
Share ideas, ponderings, confusions et al in the comments...
Monday, May 13, 2013
Blog Contributors Wanted - Narrative Lectionary
RevGalBlogPals will be adding a Narrative Lectionary discussion feature this fall. Because the NL is relatively new and resources are less common than those for the RCL, we want to generate useful content as well as providing a place to discuss preaching on Narrative Lectionary. Contributors could expect to spend some time preparing a post with a
preaching approach to the text, then inviting others to share their thoughts in the comments. We will determine the schedule and format once we gauge the interest of volunteers. It could range from a "month on, month off" commitment (such as Tuesday Lectionary Leanings or Ask the Matriarch) to a once monthly commitment (such as Wednesday Festival).
If you are preaching from the Narrative Lectionary and might like to provide reflections on the texts and host discussions, let us know either here in the comments or by sending an email to RevGalBlogPals.
If you are preaching from the Narrative Lectionary and might like to provide reflections on the texts and host discussions, let us know either here in the comments or by sending an email to RevGalBlogPals.
Monday Prayer: Lord, grant us eyes to see
Lord, grant us eyes to see
Within the seed a tree,
Within the glowing egg a bird,
Within the shroud a butterfly:
Till taught by such, we see
Beyond all creatures thee,
And hearken for thy tender word
And hear it, "Fear not: it is I."
Within the seed a tree,
Within the glowing egg a bird,
Within the shroud a butterfly:
Till taught by such, we see
Beyond all creatures thee,
And hearken for thy tender word
And hear it, "Fear not: it is I."
- Christina Rossetti
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sunday Prayer (Easter 7C with Ascension)
If you're willing to tolerate the 80s song reference, O LORD, I would pray:
Love, lift us up.
Lift us up to be with you,
for we are longing for the reassurance
of your presence in our lives.
Lift us up to be with you,
because we need the courage
to live boldly as your witnesses.
Love, lift us up to be with you,
because the world is dying for your wisdom
to bring about reconciliation in the world.
Lift us up to be with you,
for the markets claw at our souls
and the powers-that-be threaten us into despair.
Lift us up to be with you,
where fire and lightening burst with praise
and Light chases the shadows into submission.
Holy Love, lift us up!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
11th Hour Preacher Party: Seeking Rest
I've had another one of those weeks which really means, at this point, I've had one of those months. There's been a lot of pastoral care to do, some of which lead to two different funerals back to back. I've been doing what I can to stay on top of caring for myself, too, but sometimes, well, you know. Sometimes this is how it goes. We have some of those weeks; we even have one of those months, and Sundays just keep coming. What I want to do today is sleep like my not-so-baby-anymore, but what I have to do is find a way to make space where the Word of God can be heard in our worship tomorrow. What I want to do is sleep....
How do you do it? What gets you through when you're tired or your non-pastoring life presses in or you just don't think you have a sermon in you? How do you do it when you've had one of those months?
One of the ways I do it is by coming here - - sharing the task with sisters and brothers in Christ. I'm not afraid of the sustainable sermon either. What do you do when the well feels dry but Sunday is coming around one more time? I come to the party, and I'm glad to share it today with you all. Join us in the comments. We'd love to you have today.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Friday Five!
Hey there gals and pals!
Happy Friday Five....and although I don't have a theme for this Friday, I do have five questions for you to ponder upon:
1. If you could hear what someone is thinking for a day, who would you choose, and why?
2. If you were trapped in a tv show for a month, which show would you choose, and why?
3. If you could do any job in the world for a day, what would it be?
4. What are you loving right now?
5. Use these words in a sentence: bless, cheeseburger, chihauha, skipping, Georgia.
Have fun, and let us know that you played in the comments!
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Ask the Matriarch: Public Eye, Private Matter
My husband and I will begin the process of separating soon, and I’m wondering if you have any wisdom as to how to go about this with the church. I’m the pastor of a 150ish member church in a religiously conservative area. And I’m young. And I’ve been here less than a year (and it’s been a semi-turbulent 9 months). And the church loves him And oh, yeah... I’m a female. And all of these things seem to complicate the matter some. I don’t have any idea how to navigate this process with the congregation or higher judicatories. How do I communicate this matter to my congregation and be open to them, while at the same time not inviting people too far into our private lives? Are there other things about being a newly single rev that I might not have thought about?
Thank you for your help, wisdom and support!
Our Matriarchs are here for you, sharing their thoughts and prayers.
Dear friend-
I'm sorry that things have been so tough. I could tell you about my own experience, but after typing, it all seemed a bit unnecessary. A lot of things you might choose to do are dependent on your specific circumstances, but here are a few things that you might consider.
Make a face to face appointment with your bishop or the appropriate person in your judicatory. This is a pastoral call. They need to know the pertinent information and they also need to be in a position to provide you with pastoral care,
Ask the judicatory if they have any steps they feel you should take regarding the congregation.
Everyone in the congregation does not have to know your business, but there are certainly significant people who need to know before it is public knowledge.
You get to decide whether he gets to be at church. It's your work place. He will have to find another place to worship.
Practice saying things like, "Thank you for your concern. I know you can appreciate that this is a private issue." Stop yourself before you tell people more than you want to divulge.
Don't worry about the single rev stuff right now. You have enough on your plate.
Most importantly, remember that you are a loved child of God. Nobody plans for these things to happen. When we get married we make promises we want to keep and when things get broken, it hurts. But not even the pain you are now experiencing can separate you from the love of God.
Heidi/RevHRod, who blogs at You Don't Have to Listen, I Just Like to Talk
Dear Friend,
I'd suggest that you speak first with your pastor relations or personnel committee and share your news, confidentially, with them. It's important to rehearse what you would like to share, and what you're concerned about.
(I don't know if your spouse would feel comfortable attending that meeting, but if there is any chance that he would, that might be helpful.)
I think it's important to affirm that they love him, and that you care about them as a congregation even as you move through a difficult personal time, and that both of you covet their support and prayers.
I think it then makes sense to work with the most trusted person on that committee to craft a letter-- old fashioned- in writing- not e-mail-- that can be shared with your governing body (Session? Council?) and then with the congregation at the time of your choosing. Be clear about what you share with them (congregations and gossips within them will always put their own spin on things, no matter what you say, but at least you will have shared, in writing, what you would like them to know!) and offer them help in maintaining good boundaries by stating what you need and what you don't need at this sensitive time. Share this information with your higher judicatory with a phone call to the right person or people, followed by a copy of the letter you've sent your congregation.
And, if you haven't already, get thee to a wonderful, supportive, trusted counselor or therapist. Everyone needs somewhere to vent and to heal, and it's worth the cost, the travel, the inconvenience and the time away from other things. This trusted soul can help with all that may come as you live into a new normal in your life.
We will be keeping you in our prayers.
Jennifer, blogging at An Orientation of Heart
This is not something that I have experienced first hand but I have seen colleagues go through a separation and divorce. I am United Methodist and in our system it would be a good idea to be in communication with those who appoint us early in the process. This would be the District Superintendent first, and before anything formal with the congregation. I do think that being female is a factor but what I have seen show that both genders may have some difficult struggles with the congregation members, esp. if the spouse is going to continue living in the area.
My prayers are with you!
Rev Red
Dear Sister in Christ,
Like so many others, I have walked in your shoes, and my thoughts fall into six categories.
First, be honorable. If the congregation loves your spouse, unless the spouse is a real rotter, keep that part to yourself. People will talk; that's almost inevitable. Let them, and hold your head high. You wouldn't be doing this unless you believe it was the right thing and the best way to be the person God calls you to be.
Second, be smart. I would encourage any pastor moving toward a separation or divorce to turn to your Conference Minister, District Superintendent, Bishop or Executive Presbyter, etc. That person is the closest thing you have to a pastor, but we don't always view him/her that way. If you get care from that person, thanks be to God! But even if you don't, that is not a person you want to have hear it from someone else. Remember this is a person who will likely be asked later about the grace and dignity with which you handled a difficult life situation.
Third, be respectful of your congregation. My Senior Conference Minister also advised me about how to proceed with the congregation I served. He recommended a timeline, and a process. I followed the latter, contacting both the Moderator (chief lay leader and chair of our Council) and the Chair of Pastoral Relations. In consultation with the whole Pastoral Relations Committee (which consisted almost entirely of Search Committee members), we drafted a letter in three brief parts written by the Moderator, the Chair of PRC and me. This was a snail mail letter. We never made mention of the situation in the newsletter or email news. The leadership felt respected because I consulted with them.
Fourth, be kind to yourself. We may feel impelled to get the news out there for reasons that are multifold (we're hurt or appalled or jubilant or relieved), but this is personal business, and the congregation doesn't need to know everything ever or even most of everything right this minute. Be sure you are reasonably ready to be vulnerable before you make an announcement.The advice I didn't take was to be in less of a rush about informing the congregation. I was in a hurry to shed my married name before people got to know me any better, and before I was more fully established in the wider community. For many reasons, I wanted to get the news out there. I wouldn't say that was wrong, but I don't think it's the only way to handle things either. The Senior Conference Minister advised waiting, not because he thought I would reconsider, but because I was hurt and needed more time to get myself together emotionally before having other people in on the news. That part was good advice. Divorce shakes us up, and the news of it shakes up the people around us, whatever the circumstances. Consider the impact of timing on your ability to be present to others.
Fifth, be savvy. If you put it on social media, someone will find it. For instance, if you detach your Facebook account from your spouse's, someone will surely note the mention on your timeline, "A and B are no longer married." (I speak from hard experience.) Keep your private life more private than usual. Call a friend on the phone, or grant yourself the space for a little time away with family or friends, even if just an overnight.
Last, be realistic. If the ministry has been turbulent already, you may want to be prepared for the possibility that there has been a bad fit all around. When we are trying hard to make other things work, we don't always present in a way that allows us or our congregations to know if the match is right. It's certainly possible to have an effective ministry after a marriage ends, but it's also a good idea to consider an exit strategy. What are the community norms? Have pastors in your region stayed in a church after a divorce? That's something your judicatory leaders can tell you.
God be with you in the midst of all this,
Martha, blogging at Reflectionary
Okay... I've done this. I'm so sorry you are going through it now too.
I'm PCUSA so I'm going to use the names that we use for the various positions, I'm hoping they are translatable to your denomination. If not, let me know in the comments or email AsktheMatriarch giving them me permission to email you directly.
1) Come up with a breath prayer to get you through these next weeks, months, years... something that you can easily remember that can get you through even the darkest meeting or Sunday morning.
2) Contact your Executive Presbyter and let him/her know the situation and ask for guidance on what their expectations are of you.
3) Tell your Clerk of Session (consistory president?) . If this is not someone that you trust, then bring in someone you do trust WITH them, but their position as Clerk of Session means that they have to be in on this initial conversation.
4) A letter should go out to the congregation with limited details. Sadly, the gossip is going to take over anyway no matter how much you do or do not put into the letter (yes, this is personal experience, but it is also the anecdotal experience I have heard from others).
5) Hold your head high and refuse to let anything slip when you have your professional hat on. Do NOT speak badly of your spouse.
6) Find a few friends (not in the congregation, remember ultimately they will be left behind) to confide in, cry with and say all you want to about your spouse.
7) Be ready to handle this all quite well with head held high and then get slammed months later with the grief. Divorce grief is separation grief is the grief over something that has been lost.
8) As best you can, get your paperwork ready for a move (PIF in pcusa land). It may not happen right away, but rare is the church that can handle a major life transition of the pastor and remain intact and focused on the work of God (rather than the pastor's personal life). I especially have my doubts considering the details you listed about them.
9) Remember that no matter what, you are a beloved child of God who deserves to be happy.
My prayers will be with you.
kathrynzj at Volume II
To our questioner, I hope you will feel the support of prayers ascending on your behalf. Whether we have been there or not, we all feel deeply for you.
**********************************
We'll be back next week with another question. Could you use a word from the Matriarchs? Email us: Ask the Matriarch.
Our Matriarchs are here for you, sharing their thoughts and prayers.
Dear friend-
I'm sorry that things have been so tough. I could tell you about my own experience, but after typing, it all seemed a bit unnecessary. A lot of things you might choose to do are dependent on your specific circumstances, but here are a few things that you might consider.
Make a face to face appointment with your bishop or the appropriate person in your judicatory. This is a pastoral call. They need to know the pertinent information and they also need to be in a position to provide you with pastoral care,
Ask the judicatory if they have any steps they feel you should take regarding the congregation.
Everyone in the congregation does not have to know your business, but there are certainly significant people who need to know before it is public knowledge.
You get to decide whether he gets to be at church. It's your work place. He will have to find another place to worship.
Practice saying things like, "Thank you for your concern. I know you can appreciate that this is a private issue." Stop yourself before you tell people more than you want to divulge.
Don't worry about the single rev stuff right now. You have enough on your plate.
Most importantly, remember that you are a loved child of God. Nobody plans for these things to happen. When we get married we make promises we want to keep and when things get broken, it hurts. But not even the pain you are now experiencing can separate you from the love of God.
Heidi/RevHRod, who blogs at You Don't Have to Listen, I Just Like to Talk
Dear Friend,
I'd suggest that you speak first with your pastor relations or personnel committee and share your news, confidentially, with them. It's important to rehearse what you would like to share, and what you're concerned about.
(I don't know if your spouse would feel comfortable attending that meeting, but if there is any chance that he would, that might be helpful.)
I think it's important to affirm that they love him, and that you care about them as a congregation even as you move through a difficult personal time, and that both of you covet their support and prayers.
I think it then makes sense to work with the most trusted person on that committee to craft a letter-- old fashioned- in writing- not e-mail-- that can be shared with your governing body (Session? Council?) and then with the congregation at the time of your choosing. Be clear about what you share with them (congregations and gossips within them will always put their own spin on things, no matter what you say, but at least you will have shared, in writing, what you would like them to know!) and offer them help in maintaining good boundaries by stating what you need and what you don't need at this sensitive time. Share this information with your higher judicatory with a phone call to the right person or people, followed by a copy of the letter you've sent your congregation.
And, if you haven't already, get thee to a wonderful, supportive, trusted counselor or therapist. Everyone needs somewhere to vent and to heal, and it's worth the cost, the travel, the inconvenience and the time away from other things. This trusted soul can help with all that may come as you live into a new normal in your life.
We will be keeping you in our prayers.
Jennifer, blogging at An Orientation of Heart
This is not something that I have experienced first hand but I have seen colleagues go through a separation and divorce. I am United Methodist and in our system it would be a good idea to be in communication with those who appoint us early in the process. This would be the District Superintendent first, and before anything formal with the congregation. I do think that being female is a factor but what I have seen show that both genders may have some difficult struggles with the congregation members, esp. if the spouse is going to continue living in the area.
My prayers are with you!
Rev Red
Dear Sister in Christ,
Like so many others, I have walked in your shoes, and my thoughts fall into six categories.
First, be honorable. If the congregation loves your spouse, unless the spouse is a real rotter, keep that part to yourself. People will talk; that's almost inevitable. Let them, and hold your head high. You wouldn't be doing this unless you believe it was the right thing and the best way to be the person God calls you to be.
Second, be smart. I would encourage any pastor moving toward a separation or divorce to turn to your Conference Minister, District Superintendent, Bishop or Executive Presbyter, etc. That person is the closest thing you have to a pastor, but we don't always view him/her that way. If you get care from that person, thanks be to God! But even if you don't, that is not a person you want to have hear it from someone else. Remember this is a person who will likely be asked later about the grace and dignity with which you handled a difficult life situation.
Third, be respectful of your congregation. My Senior Conference Minister also advised me about how to proceed with the congregation I served. He recommended a timeline, and a process. I followed the latter, contacting both the Moderator (chief lay leader and chair of our Council) and the Chair of Pastoral Relations. In consultation with the whole Pastoral Relations Committee (which consisted almost entirely of Search Committee members), we drafted a letter in three brief parts written by the Moderator, the Chair of PRC and me. This was a snail mail letter. We never made mention of the situation in the newsletter or email news. The leadership felt respected because I consulted with them.
Fourth, be kind to yourself. We may feel impelled to get the news out there for reasons that are multifold (we're hurt or appalled or jubilant or relieved), but this is personal business, and the congregation doesn't need to know everything ever or even most of everything right this minute. Be sure you are reasonably ready to be vulnerable before you make an announcement.The advice I didn't take was to be in less of a rush about informing the congregation. I was in a hurry to shed my married name before people got to know me any better, and before I was more fully established in the wider community. For many reasons, I wanted to get the news out there. I wouldn't say that was wrong, but I don't think it's the only way to handle things either. The Senior Conference Minister advised waiting, not because he thought I would reconsider, but because I was hurt and needed more time to get myself together emotionally before having other people in on the news. That part was good advice. Divorce shakes us up, and the news of it shakes up the people around us, whatever the circumstances. Consider the impact of timing on your ability to be present to others.
Last, be realistic. If the ministry has been turbulent already, you may want to be prepared for the possibility that there has been a bad fit all around. When we are trying hard to make other things work, we don't always present in a way that allows us or our congregations to know if the match is right. It's certainly possible to have an effective ministry after a marriage ends, but it's also a good idea to consider an exit strategy. What are the community norms? Have pastors in your region stayed in a church after a divorce? That's something your judicatory leaders can tell you.
God be with you in the midst of all this,
Martha, blogging at Reflectionary
Okay... I've done this. I'm so sorry you are going through it now too.
I'm PCUSA so I'm going to use the names that we use for the various positions, I'm hoping they are translatable to your denomination. If not, let me know in the comments or email AsktheMatriarch giving them me permission to email you directly.
1) Come up with a breath prayer to get you through these next weeks, months, years... something that you can easily remember that can get you through even the darkest meeting or Sunday morning.
2) Contact your Executive Presbyter and let him/her know the situation and ask for guidance on what their expectations are of you.
3) Tell your Clerk of Session (consistory president?) . If this is not someone that you trust, then bring in someone you do trust WITH them, but their position as Clerk of Session means that they have to be in on this initial conversation.
4) A letter should go out to the congregation with limited details. Sadly, the gossip is going to take over anyway no matter how much you do or do not put into the letter (yes, this is personal experience, but it is also the anecdotal experience I have heard from others).
5) Hold your head high and refuse to let anything slip when you have your professional hat on. Do NOT speak badly of your spouse.
6) Find a few friends (not in the congregation, remember ultimately they will be left behind) to confide in, cry with and say all you want to about your spouse.
7) Be ready to handle this all quite well with head held high and then get slammed months later with the grief. Divorce grief is separation grief is the grief over something that has been lost.
8) As best you can, get your paperwork ready for a move (PIF in pcusa land). It may not happen right away, but rare is the church that can handle a major life transition of the pastor and remain intact and focused on the work of God (rather than the pastor's personal life). I especially have my doubts considering the details you listed about them.
9) Remember that no matter what, you are a beloved child of God who deserves to be happy.
My prayers will be with you.
kathrynzj at Volume II
To our questioner, I hope you will feel the support of prayers ascending on your behalf. Whether we have been there or not, we all feel deeply for you.
**********************************
We'll be back next week with another question. Could you use a word from the Matriarchs? Email us: Ask the Matriarch.
Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Wednesday Festival: From Peace to Pop!
The writing is great this week . . . it's my own ponderings that grow longer and longer!
Janet Salbert is putting together exquisite mediations and photographs at A Journey to Joy.
Today's the Feast Day of Julian of Norwich, and Kristin is reflecting upon Julian's meaning for her at Liberation Theology Lutheran.
Rev. Glenda preached about Lydia and thin places last Sunday; her sermon appears in A Place of Prayer. She's got me wondering: if all that were left of us 2,000 years from now was a sentence or two, what questions would people be asking about our faith and leadership?
And a long one: Michelle of Quantum Theology, who is both a scientist and a writer on spirituality, wrote Felony Science for Slate - a piece about what turns girls into scientists, and the kind of hot water into which they may unexpectedly slip. Just before Michelle's piece appeared, I heard an NPR interview with the [woman] president of Harvey Mudd College on the topic of engaging girls in science and persuading them that computer science, in which women students and professionals are sadly underrepresented, is how we engage with all that's new and exciting in our world. Both the interview and Michelle's piece have also got me wondering: How do we bring the same passion and conviction about faith -- that it's where everything is happening -- to those we serve, so that they want to go out and create "snap, crackles, and pops" in the spiritual life?
(I apologize for my tardiness. I went to insert the image and my computer completely locked up, right before I had to leave for one parishoner's medical procedure and another's funeral. One of those days.)
Janet Salbert is putting together exquisite mediations and photographs at A Journey to Joy.
Today's the Feast Day of Julian of Norwich, and Kristin is reflecting upon Julian's meaning for her at Liberation Theology Lutheran.
Rev. Glenda preached about Lydia and thin places last Sunday; her sermon appears in A Place of Prayer. She's got me wondering: if all that were left of us 2,000 years from now was a sentence or two, what questions would people be asking about our faith and leadership?
And a long one: Michelle of Quantum Theology, who is both a scientist and a writer on spirituality, wrote Felony Science for Slate - a piece about what turns girls into scientists, and the kind of hot water into which they may unexpectedly slip. Just before Michelle's piece appeared, I heard an NPR interview with the [woman] president of Harvey Mudd College on the topic of engaging girls in science and persuading them that computer science, in which women students and professionals are sadly underrepresented, is how we engage with all that's new and exciting in our world. Both the interview and Michelle's piece have also got me wondering: How do we bring the same passion and conviction about faith -- that it's where everything is happening -- to those we serve, so that they want to go out and create "snap, crackles, and pops" in the spiritual life?
(I apologize for my tardiness. I went to insert the image and my computer completely locked up, right before I had to leave for one parishoner's medical procedure and another's funeral. One of those days.)
Wednesday Prayer: Breathe in Us
God,
There is so much fear and uncertainty in our lives today.
It washes over our entire culture
In our churches, our classrooms, our grocery stores and government offices
people seem to collectively hold their breaths
or, instead, blow out their breaths in angry, fearful exclamation, in shouting
We as your people in the world are stretched thin
It affects us too.
Our own homes, workplaces, relationships are made difficult.
We pray to bear the breath of your Holy Spirit
In us, out of us, through us
We pray for peace in the world and in hearts.
There is so much fear and uncertainty in our lives today.
It washes over our entire culture
In our churches, our classrooms, our grocery stores and government offices
people seem to collectively hold their breaths
or, instead, blow out their breaths in angry, fearful exclamation, in shouting
We as your people in the world are stretched thin
It affects us too.
Our own homes, workplaces, relationships are made difficult.
We pray to bear the breath of your Holy Spirit
In us, out of us, through us
We pray for peace in the world and in hearts.
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
Tuesday Prayer
Today,
I pray for the strangers that cross my path,
that even though I might not have any interaction with them,
may they be blessed.
Bless the drivers on the road with me.
Bless the people working in all of the businesses I pass on my way to the office.
Bless the dog walkers in the morning, on the sidewalks that I fly by.
Bless the children in the schoolbuses that roll down the street.
Bless the people in the houses I walk by...
I pray for blessing.
Blessing and peace for all.
Amen.
I pray for the strangers that cross my path,
that even though I might not have any interaction with them,
may they be blessed.
Bless the drivers on the road with me.
Bless the people working in all of the businesses I pass on my way to the office.
Bless the dog walkers in the morning, on the sidewalks that I fly by.
Bless the children in the schoolbuses that roll down the street.
Bless the people in the houses I walk by...
I pray for blessing.
Blessing and peace for all.
Amen.
Tuesday Lectionary Leanings -- Risin' Up Edition
Happy Tuesday Y'all!
Shall we pray??? (prayer source)
So this week are you going with the Ascension readings or with the readings for Easter 7C? Jesus rising up toward Jupiter and the outer planets of the solar system (a story the writer of Luke-Acts liked so
much he had to tell 2 versions of it). Then again, it is possible that imposing modern cosmology on the story is not so great an idea.
Jesus praying that his followers would not be divided?
For those of us in the UCCan this Gospel reading has a special place as we took our denominational motto Ut Onmnes Unum Sint--That All May Be One (or is that maybe one?) from it. Mind you I think that phrase has a very different resonance now than it did decades ago.
Or maybe Paul caring so much about the health and safety of his jailor he chooses not to break out of the newly opened prison? Or the Paul who got into prison for healing in the first place?
Or the last few verses of the Canon? (it always amuses me that in building that reading the RCL omits the verse that calls curses on any who would omit words from the book...even more amusing was the mis-print of the NRSV that was available [for free] at the local Bible Society bookstore when I started seminary that had omitted that verse)
And then there is the potential landmine of Mother's Day to step on, or avoid, or dismantle...
Wherever worship planning is taking you, whatever questions the text raise for you, however the Spirit is singing to your heart, feel free to share in the comments.
Shall we pray??? (prayer source)
God of boundless grace,
you call us to drink freely of the well of life
and to share the love of your holy being.
May the glory of your love,
made known in the victory of Jesus Christ, our Savior,
transform our lives and the world he lived and died to save.
We ask this in his name and for his sake. Amen.
you call us to drink freely of the well of life
and to share the love of your holy being.
May the glory of your love,
made known in the victory of Jesus Christ, our Savior,
transform our lives and the world he lived and died to save.
We ask this in his name and for his sake. Amen.
 |
| Bristol Cross |
much he had to tell 2 versions of it). Then again, it is possible that imposing modern cosmology on the story is not so great an idea.
 |
| John Lennon was a prophet |
For those of us in the UCCan this Gospel reading has a special place as we took our denominational motto Ut Onmnes Unum Sint--That All May Be One (or is that maybe one?) from it. Mind you I think that phrase has a very different resonance now than it did decades ago.
Or maybe Paul caring so much about the health and safety of his jailor he chooses not to break out of the newly opened prison? Or the Paul who got into prison for healing in the first place?
Or the last few verses of the Canon? (it always amuses me that in building that reading the RCL omits the verse that calls curses on any who would omit words from the book...even more amusing was the mis-print of the NRSV that was available [for free] at the local Bible Society bookstore when I started seminary that had omitted that verse)
 |
| Agnus Day |
And then there is the potential landmine of Mother's Day to step on, or avoid, or dismantle...
Wherever worship planning is taking you, whatever questions the text raise for you, however the Spirit is singing to your heart, feel free to share in the comments.
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