Odds and ends Friday Five...

I have had a ridiculously busy week so apologies for the fact that this is rushed and even a bit late, but here goes, even in the busyness of the week what has

1. Inspired you
2. Challenged you
3. Made you smile
4. Made you cross/ made you want to weep
5.Kept you going?


As always, let us know in comments if you play. Even better, get in the habit of posting a direct link to your blog entry in your comment, using the following formulation:
<a href="the url of your blog post goes here">what you want the link to say goes here</a>
For a complete how-to, click here.

Ask the Matriarch - Product Parties

Our question this week is an interesting and tricky one, and one I'm betting many of us have had to deal with. As far as I know, our male counterparts don't typically encounter this particular issue, and it's not something I ever learned about navigating in seminary!

Since I've been at my first call, I've gotten several invitations to home parties - the ones where someone is selling jewelry, home decor items, kitchen stuff. Before I became a pastor, I normally only went to the parties if it was for a really good friend, or I liked the brand. Personally, I find much of the stuff to be overpriced and I don't like feeling like I have to buy something that I really don't need or want.


As a pastor, I'm concerned that if I attend someone's party but not someone else's, it will offend the one whose party I don't attend. And I would feel like I had to buy something to be nice.


Is it part of my pastoral function to attend all these home parties? How do other revgals handle the invitations?


kathrynzj writes:
GREAT question!

When I was in a church of 150 members, I went to them, but I would not change plans in order to go. And yes, I came and went without buying anything. Now I am in a larger congregation and I go to none. If I actually want something (I like a certain brand's bread mix) - I get it from a non-church going friend.

And I know you didn't ask, but in a similar vein - kids selling stuff? At the smaller church I bought one something from each of them who asked me (if their parents brought it to me I told them gently to have the child ask me themselves). In the larger church I buy nothing from anyone nor does my kid solicit at church. The bill would just add up to too much.

Good luck!

Muthah+ responds:

This is one of those barrier-straddling things of parish ministry that is difficult.  Used to be that if you could buy locally as a pastor you did.  You bought your car from the car dealer in the parish, your medical care was often a doctor or dentist in the congregation, your insurance was carried by a local agent.  Many of your needs were provided by in-kind donations from the community you served from eggs to carpeting.  And in the good ole days the young curates were paired up with local daughters and they lived happily ever after.  (yeah, right!)

 

The Baby Boom changed all that.  Everyone after the 1960's caught the entrepreneurial bug and economics became the name of the game, not the commonweal.  Here endeth the history lesson.

 

Personally I hate those kinds of parties. And I know that many of those parties come from the party giver's need to sell.   However, I do not need to buy.  When someone invites you, you can explain quietly to the hostess that you do get invited to many of these kinds of parties and you cannot buy from them all.  If they want you there because you are a friend, go and do not feel obligated to buy.  Most of them will understand.  If they don't, then you don't want to give your imprimatur to their parties. 

And Sharon offers:

I served in one very rural ministry context and those parties were a big part of the social life of the congregation and the community. In that place, I went to all the ones to which I was invited. I could always find a little something that I could save for a family Christmas gift. Looking back, that was the right decision to make there.

In the other churches, I have just thanked each person for the invitation and declined each one. I do regularly buy a category of things that are offered at those kinds of parties. I get those things now from someone who is not connected to my church. If I lived closed to my relatives or to my friends not related to the church I serve, I would be fine with picking and choosing some of their parties to attend.

Whether it's about these kinds of parties or the stuff that kids sell for school and clubs, the important thing is to think through your reasons for doing what you will do, or won't do. Then respond consistently with all the members of your congregation.

My experience is that your church people will understand your decision to not attend their party or to not buy their kids' stuff. They will not as easily understand your decision to say "yes" to some and "no" to others.

--

Great responses, matriarchs. Thank you!! What about the rest of you? What are your words of wisdom? Please share in the comments section. And as always, if you have a question you'd like the matriarchs to discuss, please send it to us at askthematriarch[at]gmail[dot]com.

-earthchick

 

Wednesday Festival: An Answered Prayer

Kathryn's feet (r) in Cozumel, 2008, BE 1. Also one of Martha's.

This week's post comes from one of our founding ring member's, Kathryn, an Anglican vicar who blogs at Good in Parts. Those of us who've had the chance to meet Kathryn, who was with us on BE 1, will surely hear this in her lovely voice, as she brings us a redemptive word. Please leave her *your* lovely comments here or at her blog.

An answered prayer

"Lord, redeem my foul-ups" is often a good prayer to have on your lips...and two weeks ago, when it seemed to me that said foul-ups were reaching hitherto undreamed of depths, I prayed it alot..and then some more!
You know that a week is going badly when the funeral for a still-born babe is not the hardest thing you have to cope with...but why I'm blogging now is because, most wonderfully, my fervent prayer was actually answered.




You see, two weeks ago I discovered that I had been living inside my very own version of the Christmas edition of Rev.
In case you managed to miss this (honestly - the series is far too searingly close to the reality of clerical life to count as comedy - it's far closer to documentary, imho) , poor, wonderfully human Adam gets so seasonally harassed that he fails to visit an elderly parishioner - until it's too late.
In the week before Christmas I received a similar request - from someone who spends most of his life on the edge of society, having been homeless for a long time, and with most of the associated problems.
And being over busy, and rather nervous of the prospect of visiting a somewhat volatile guy and his housemate on their home turf, I tried to phone once, failed to get through, and moved on to the next item on the "seasonal busyness" list.




And, just as happened to Adam, I was shown the flaw in my prioritising when a very angry visitor at the vicarage informed me that his housemate was dead - and what sort of a sorry apology for a priest did I call myself anyway!
And of course he was right.
Fear prevented me from doing the right thing.
I took refuge in doing other things and let my needs trump those of the people I am here to serve.
So, I felt pretty wretched.




But the following day I was given another opportunity to respond - and got to a bedside in time.
And then, wonderfully, against all expectations, I found myself trusted to take J's funeral.


It happened yesterday.
Just a small gathering in church...a  handful of volunteers and clients of our local homeless project; a community police officer; a wonderfully warm and gentle funeral director; and a sober and dignified friend.
The flower printed cardboard coffin which had seemed (if I'm honest) just a wee bit naff in the catalogue was reassuringly, delightfully homely and beautiful in reality. You could imagine it sitting comfortably in an ordinary room...not claiming false dignity or pomp...
"I'm here..part of life's reality you know...And it can be surprisingly beautiful".
I found myself touching it and interacting with it in ways that I rarely do with those highly polished coffins that seem to be set on hiding the truth of the death that lies within.
Somehow the beautiful fragility of the coffin, that mirrored the fragility of the life that had ended - a life of hardship, alienation, struggle and, I believe, acceptance.


J had loved flowers - and the church was still beautiful with the flowers left from a far grander funeral last week, which made me smile.
I wept too, as J's best friend read some wonderful words that J himself had written reflecting on his life, his future and his hopes.
A member of the "Marah" family talked of his memories and read to us from The Message
We sang and we prayed and we sat in silence.
Some of the language I use for more conventional funerals just didn't find a place...but the right words came from somewhere. 
And then we followed J across town to the beautiful hillside cemetery and it was somehow incredibly right to be there, to take it in turns to throw handfuls of rich dark earth onto the coffin, to listen as S told us more about his friend, to delight as the sun broke through the clouds and the birds began to sing, a fragile chorus that promised spring to come.




We left S settling down with a drink in the sun...I pray that he'll be alright in the days ahead. Yesterday, we stood on holy ground together.

Tuesday Lectionary Leanings -- Who has Authority? Edition

Agnus Day

Greetings to all!  Another Sunday cometh, and for those of us who are not going cruising that means another sermon is due in a few days.  The readings for Epiphany 4B can be found here.

It always seems to me that the best worship preparation is begun with prayer {prayer source}:

O God,

we puff ourselves up with accumulated knowledge,

but without love for you we have no wisdom.

We take advantage of the liberty you give us through grace,

and become bad examples to our sisters and brothers.

We alternate between fear of your authority

and denial of your authority.

We dread to face our demons,

and we are faithless in the presence of your power over them.

Save us Lord from the sins we know,

save us Lord from the sins we hide.

(pause for reflection and self-examination) 

Our Lord Jesus Christ, the son of God, has come into our world with authority. The authority to destroy the demons that haunt us: our past, or weakness, our sin, our grief, our loss, our frailty, our mortal nature. Through Christ’s faithfulness our loving God grants us the forgiveness of all our sins and the promise of eternal life. Through faith offered by the Holy Spirit we may count on God’s intervening power, and live redeemed lives in the name of the Father, and the Son, + and the Holy Spirit.

Amen. 

 A lot about authority this week.  Where does authority come from?  Who has it?  How do we respond?  Oh and along the way, what makes a true prophet?

Are you drawn to the Jewish longing for a prophet like Moses? Or maybe there are a few "prophets" you would like to experience the promise at the end of the Deuteronomy reading (yes, wishing such a thing is not "proper" but if we are honest...).

Jesus Teaching in the Temple

Or maybe you find yourself drawn to Paul and meat.  And it is a puzzling question about how we interact with the culture around us.  What would you say are the equivalent issues in our world today?  How would you respond if you were asked the same question?

And then we have Jesus, and the authority issue.  Not like the scribes.  And even the unclean spirits listen to him.  What sort of authority is this?  Something new is happening?

Where is worship taking you this week?  Is there an article or blog post that you want to share with the rest of us?  Maybe you aren't preaching but have a great thought about what you would do "if only".  Share in the comments so we can all learn together...

RevGalBookPals: Writing to God -- Kid's Edition

Do you have a young person in your family or faith community who asks you, "How do I pray?" Ring member Rachel Hackenberg's wonderful new book, Writing to God -- Kids' Edition, is a great resource for exploring prayer at a late-elementary to middle-school level.

Rachel is also the author of Writing to God: 40 Days of Praying with My Pen, a guide to praying during Lent.

In the Kids' Edition, Rachel brings creative suggestions and guidance for writing prayers to a kid's level. She explores ways to pray by writing about six Ideas: things you experience with all five senses, by writing about your feelings, Bible verses, nature, ordinary things that happen in life, trying new words and pictures for God and telling God thank you. She explores each Idea with a variety of possibilities for exploration, including sample prayers, and the book will include open space to be used for writing prayers.

The book begins conversationally:

Hi! My name is Rachel.

            When I was a girl, I wasn’t sure how to pray. Should I use fancy church words? Should I put my hands together and close my eyes? (Closing my eyes usually put me to sleep.) Should I pray for the whole entire world? And how could I pray for the whole entire world if I didn’t know the name of every person . . . or the name of every place and every plant and every animal?

Her voice in writing for children is very natural and invitational. She assures children that you can pray, or write prayers, wherever you are.

Here's a sample from the section on praying with your sense of smell:

These are some of the things that I am thankful for smelling, God:

chocolate cookies baking in the oven

a hamster cage that needs to be cleaned

the kind-of-good, kind-of-stinky smell of mud after rain

smoke from a campfire

This list doesn’t look like a prayer, but I thank God for the sense of smell to experience the odors of life!

Here's another, from the section on Bible verses:

John 11:35 is one of the shortest verses in the Bible. It just says, “Jesus cried.” Have you ever thought about Jesus crying? In John 11:35, Jesus cries because his friend Lazarus has died, and he cries because he’s sad to see Mary and Martha crying. God gets sad when people are hurting or crying . . . and God hears us when we’re sad. Write to God about crying.

I don’t often cry in front of other people. One day I wrote this prayer after I closed my bedroom door:

Jesus, do you hear me crying

when I hide my tears in the pillow?

Elene (age 5) prays:

Dear God, You know how I almost fell off my bike the other day? Remember when I was riding home from Chris’s house? It was getting dark

so I rode my bike very fast to get home. Did you know how scared

I was? Really scared! So scared I was crying. Love, Elene

The sample prayers from children are great, although Rachel's prayers are also at a great level for encouraging kids to write their own.

Because the book is still in the pre-order phase, I have only seen illustrations for the introduction. They show children of a variety of cultural backgrounds and ages, as well as common images from a child's life, and appear to be very accessible. I can't wait to see the actual book! Rachel says, "The official release date for the book is in March, but in fact Paraclete Press hopes to have the finished product in-hand by the end of January so that it can be in bookstores and online in time for Lent."


(Paraclete Press and Rachel Hackenberg provided RevGalBlogPals with a manuscript and PDF of this soon-to-be-published book for purposes of review. There was no promise of a particular outcome!)

Sunday Prayer: Epiphany 3B

In the still small voice of the rain,
in the wind of the sea, and the warmth of sun
in the deep of night and the heart of day
when we least anticipate it, God calls.

Surely God is always near, right here,
Or, over there.
Surely there are times we know not where.
But surely there are occasions when we turn
When we go regardless, and follow Jesus
Down the unsuspecting twisting road
When we walk with God
because
God walks with us.

In these moments, when we are certain we are lost
When God beckons us and then waits until we turn
To see, to feel, to know, to recognize
God with us.
When sorrow catches a glimpse of hope
When suffering is wrapped in mercy
When despair is held in grace and love
When God is God and there is peace
Peace in our hearts, for that moment
Let us pray.

11th Hour Preacher Party: "One Fish, Two Fish, I Fish, You Fish" Edition

I see fish.  

Fish I see.

Fish as big as fish can be.

Jonah hiding in a fish.

Jonah saved by prayer and wish.

Jonah preaches and saves a a town.

God's mind is changed all around.

Simon, Andrew with boats in the sea

With James and John called Zebedee

Net strange work with you and me

In Jesus' call:  "New fishing for thee"

Which way will you go
As you go with the flow?

A fishing lesson at Galilee's sea?

Is that your preaching cup of tea?

Or will you tell a big fish tale?

Bring light to Jonah's time in the whale?

Perhaps you have another way
Something else you're called to say?

A children's message I seek -- or two

I'll put some coffee on to brew

Bring a snack you have to share

And, pretty soon, we'll all be there!

* * * * * * *  

And always:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, 

because those who mind don't matter, 

and those who matter, don't mind."

(Dr. Seuss)

* * * * * * * 

Friday Five: Movies

Thinking of movie-watching, what do you prefer?

1. At home or at a theater?
2. With whom?
3. Movie you look forward to seeing?
4. Movie you like to see repeatedly?
5. Food with a movie?

Bonus: Recommendations for home/theater viewing.

Please link as always!

Ask the Matriarch - Top Ten Tips for a New Call

Our question this week comes from a minister who has just begun a new call and is looking for some wisdom from her colleagues. She writes:

This week I started a new (part-time, interim, but you've got to start somewhere) call at a small, rural church. I spent my first four years in ministry as an associate, so this is my first time as a solo pastor. What are your top ten tips for getting off to a good start in a new call?


Great question! And the matriarchs have some great answers. Read on:

Jennifer writes:
1 - Listen.
2 - Invite people to share their stories.
3 - Ask people about their hopes and concerns.
4 - Talk with the oldest and the youngest.
5 - Spend time with people who have a harder time getting to worship.
6 - Listen.
7 - Get to know your neighbors and community partners.
8 - Listen to other staff/judicatory leaders/other folks about their sense of things with your new congregation.
9 - Pray and listen.
10 - Listen for and respond to the Spirit's unique transforming message through all of the above.

Muthah+ offers:

1. Be yourself but be respectful of them.  They have been church for a long time and will be a long time after you leave.
2. An interim gig is a tough one for a brand new pastor.  Know the work you must do as an interim.  Know what the parameters of your ministry are from your judicatory and what you are expected to do as an interim by the parish. Make sure that your congregation is aware of those structures.  Part-time can get VERY sticky if you do not set up what you can do in the x number of hours you are scheduled to work.  All too often you will end up working full-time and then set up false expectations for the church for future pastors. 
3. Often times Interims are when parishioners are scared and bereft--they are not at their best.  They may just want to take it out on you.  Keep detached from their frustrations for the interim process.  Do not allow yourself to take on their complaints as your own.  You are just the focal point for their frustration.  Detachment is the name of the game.
4. Listen, Listen, Listen.  It is the hardest thing for many preachers to do.  If there are kids in the parish go to their school events if possible.
5. Visit anyone older than 50 and/or anyone who is home during the day-time.  Always call first.  This is still important to the older members of small towns.  If they aren't working, visit.  If they don't want you to visit in their home, take them out to the local beanery and have lunch or a soda.
6. Figure out who the matriarchs and patriarchs are in the parish.  They will be doing most of the ministry. You will be only the chaplain but they need to know you are available.  Work with these men and women even when they seem to be wrong.  Cajole them into the newness rather than butt heads with them.  They have more cache with the parish than you will ever have no matter how long you are there.  And be aware of the parish divisions or cliques or 'families' that they represent.
7. Do not expect them to change for you.  They have had so many pastors over the years that they see clergy as a flash in the pan.  Try to get them to describe for you their experiences of previous pastors and what the liked. (Try not to let them tell you horror stories--but help them dwell on what they liked in previous pastors so they can figure out what they want for the future.)
8. Do as much teaching as they can tolerate.  It may be just a few parishioners who will come to adult ed. things but do what you can to raise the educational level in the congregation. 
9. Visit hospitals and nursing homes.  In rural situations it is a must.  You may see some horrific things.  They need you there as an ombudsman.
10. Love 'em even when they aren't lovely. 

And kathrynzj puts it this way:

Interim and part-time in a small, rural church?

1 - Visit

2 - Visit

3 - Visit

4 - Learn about their "family" dynamics

5 - Lead good worship.

6-10 - Repeat 1-5

It is very hard to keep within the boundaries of part-time hours but for both yourself and the person who is going to come next, please do your best. 

Prayers ascending for you and this new call to ministry!

--

Hmm, I'm sensing a theme here, and it has to do with listening! Really good, solid advice, all the way around, from our dear matriarchs. What say the rest of you? What would you add to what has already been said? Any anecdotes to share from your own similar experiences? Please join the conversation in our comments section. And, as always, if you have a question you'd like the matriarchs to discuss, send us an email at askthematriarch[at]gmail[dot]com.

Who Are We?

This fall, my congregation did an exercise: we asked everyone to come up with one word describing our church, and we put all those words into a Wordle and used the various fun word clouds we created as bulletin covers, stewardship advertising, and artwork around the building. It was insightful as well as pretty.

Now I'm working on a project...not a one-word project, necessarily, but something along those lines, and I need your help!

I'm looking for the word(s), phrase, or sentence you would use to describe RevGalBlogPals. Who are we? What are we? Who and what are we for you? What does being part of RGBP mean to you, your life, your ministry? What's your experience of our community?
I promise to post the beauty, whatever form it takes (it could be a wordle, it could be a hymn, it could be...well...lots of things!), when it's done! Thanks!