Wherever there are people, there will be broken commandments. Our churches are no exception, as today's question reminds us:
How should we deal
with petty theft in the church?
We have one person
who attends regularly (not a member), whom we suspect of "lifting"
small items from time to time. Items displayed at the coffee hour for sale have
gone missing, or someone's purse is gone through and change or candy is
missing. It's not children, as we have only two attending, one is an infant of
two months and her 3-year-old sibling is always accompanied. I
have personally witnessed this person opening packaged gift baskets that were
for sale and removing the items from it, "so I can see what all is in
it." There's a general lack of respect for personal space from this person
as well (stands too close and when you step back, steps forward; will handle
other people's property without asking--a cell phone left on a table, for
example), the crowning example being her curiosity about my tattoo (it's in the
centre of my chest, so not always visible, but one day on a retreat I wore an
open-necked shirt). She actually reached out and touched my tattoo, my
chest, without asking permission. I stepped back and told her lightly that
"no one gets to do that," but I am not sure she understood. I am not
entirely sure if she is dealing with some cognitive issues, mental
health issues, cultural issues, or what.
We (the Board and
clergy) have previously suggested to worship leadership that they leave
valuables in the church office (which is always occupied or locked) when they
cannot hang on to them (preparing for worship, leading worship, etc.), in order
to nip anything in the bud, but of course people forget or "just this
once," leave a purse out in the sanctuary or in the fellowship room.
Ideally, we would
have a policy or plan in place so that when/if it happens again, we will be able
to deal with it swiftly. Right now, I feel it is inadequate to tell someone who
has had their purse rifled that, "Well, we don't really know who did
it," and I don't want to "blame the victim" by reminding them
they should have left their purse in the office.
I have two
questions--how do we (clergy and church leadership) help the congregation feel
safe (or that their belongings are) and minister to this person as well? I know
we need to minister to the congregation AND to this person, but I am not sure
how to do this.
Have others dealt
with this and if so, how?
Dear Pastor,
I have not had quite this
problem but I did have an instance where a child's behavior was threatening the
safety of members. I must admit that it did not go especially well but I
do not think I would have done it differently:
With the head of my board,
I spoke to the parents of the child very frankly about the issue. They
threatened to leave the parish, but they didn't and the behavior was changed.
I am a firm believer that
the pastor and a lay leadership need to set some significant guidelines and
then meet with the individual. Do not accuse but merely say what is expected.
If she denies it, just reiterate what you have said. Do not be
severe, but be quite clear about what you are asking her to do--no touching
other people, their things without their permission, etc. If she is
unwilling then she will be asked to leave. Then if she is observed doing
these things, some action can be taken.
Do not speak to her alone
as it will be seen as personal, but if lay leadership is also involved, it will
be seen as expectations of the whole community.
I have always tried to remember
that the pastor's job is not just the individual souls in her charge but as the
leader of a community of faith. It 'ain't fun', but some intervention is
the most faithful thing that can be done in such situations.
As someone who had her purse stolen
during a Women's Bible Study brunch many years ago (with $200 just
withdrawn from the bank to pay for a birthday party!), I know the feeling of
having something taken from a place you believed you were completely safe. It's
awful.
If it happened in my congregation,
and primarily around worship times, I believe I would ask the Deacons for their
input on safeguarding belongings. It sounds like you've begun that by
suggesting worship leaders lock up their belongings. If you have warned people
over and over, and they still leave things out where they can be rifled
through, at some point it *does* become the responsibility of the person who
doesn't follow your advice. That's not the same thing as blaming a helpless
victim.
Where the person in question is
concerned, it sounds like it might be time to find out more about her situation
so you can intervene appropriately. Can you take a Deacon or other lay leader
with you and visit her? I would imagine given that she is not respectful of
your physical boundaries it doesn't seem like a good idea to go alone. If you
have a canny lay leader available, one who can help you assess what you're
dealing with, I would take that person. When you have a better sense of where
the loose boundaries originate, you'll be in a better position to devise a plan
with your lay leaders.
And from Kathryn:
Great question and one that is very
timely for me. We have a similar situation here.
In our case one of our pastors and
two Elders are planning on sitting down with Karen (made up name) and telling
her firmly that she is welcome to come and worship and eat with us (she shows
up for events that include meals), but we will not accommodate
belligerent behavior. It is also not our responsibility to provide her
with 'to-go' containers for her boyfriend.
We are also working through a
security plan that has us teaching folks how to be more observant about what is
going on around them, including where they leave their own belongings and the
assumptions that they make about how safe their coat and its contents are out
on the coat rack in the hallway. We have also been known to have someone
'shadow' Karen. This has not been anything official, more of a quiet,
behind-the-scenes kind of thing when she comes to events.
I'm looking forward to what others
have to say. This is a tough one, especially when the clergy and other
leadership see the difficulties in someone's behavior and other members of the
congregation wonder why we're not being more hospitable. When is one no longer
allowed to hold an entire community hostage?
We'd like to hear from you - please use the "Post a Comment" to share your experience or your thoughts.
May you live in God's amazing grace+
revhoney
I have some difficulties with all the answers, because it seems that there are suspicions, not facts about who the thief is. It may well be that the thief is someone else, perhaps even a "respected" member of the congregation.
ReplyDeleteIt also sounds to me like the woman has mental health issues.
I would continue to ask people to safeguard their property. I realize that is uncomfortable in a church setting, but the reality is that we are all sinners and all subject to temptation.
I would try to learn more about the woman's situation. As someone suggested, a visit with another church member might be in order.
My prayers are with you.
I suspect this is a much more widely common problem than one might think at first; and I suspect too that many of us get your two questions tangled up together with a kind of haze of notions about “property equals theft” or possibly a vague recollection of The Bishop’s Candlesticks. So I applaud the clarity with which you’ve reminded us that there are two questions here, not just one.
ReplyDeleteWhat documentation does your denomination offer about “Church as Safe Place”? What information or advice does your insurer offer? You can be taking full advantage of that – in the meantime redoubling your reminders that “this is not a secure area” when people are coming and going. Members might be briefed to act as tactful security observers, watching items put out for sale, reminding people about their purses, cameras, phones, PDAs and so on. I have seen signs posted in a number of churches: “please take your purse with you to the communion rail” and so forth.
Another expedient might be to consult your local police about building security, inside and out. I found that our local precinct were extremely helpful, both in conversation and with printed information booklets. That kind of conversation helps to build community as well – useful and fruitful.
Now about ministering to the person in question – and I hear what you say about cognitive/mental health/cultural issues. Firm, prompt, polite reminders that “this is not what we do,” or “this is not acceptable,” or “you must not do this” fall within the definition of ministry—and further conversation on general, neutral topics may help you discern if or how to tackle the unacceptable behaviour more strongly. However sad the deficiency, however, this person is abusing the congregation, and that we don’t condone, any more than we would overlook other kinds of abuse.
One of my senior colleagues observed during discussion of pastoral ministry in the context of Good Shepherd Sunday that part of it is knowing the difference between a sheep and a coyote…(in this part of the world, the latter is a “ki-yoot”).
I saw a wonderful witness of faith in my previous church. We had a middle-aged man of another race who had been brain-damaged from time in jail. He clearly stood out in the congregation as different from the rest. He was known to pick up items around the church, some valuable, some personal, but mostly just "stuff".
ReplyDeleteThis congregation embraced him by bringing him into an adult Sunday School class, providing him breakfast (he walked a number of blocks to get to our church), repairing his bike, and communicating with his sister with whom he lived. They addressed the concerns of his theft by accompanying him throughout the building and reminding him that he can't take things that aren't his (he was mentally about the equivalent of age 5).
He had been banned from several other congregations, but I was humbled by the witness of this congregation.