A long term member of my congregation
who has been fighting cancer for the past 6 months has just been told that the
cancer has spread and that further treatment will be palliative. We are a
tiny congregation, and very close and some members have asked that we hold a
prayer vigil for her. Of course, I said yes, but being from a strongly
liturgical tradition, I have no idea how to put this together. I don't
want to hold out false hope, yet on the other hand, I don't want to make it a
pre- funeral. I'd be grateful for any ideas.
Jennifer responds:
It’s such a hard thing when anyone is
given a prognosis that difficult and with a short amount of time attached to
it. I feel sure that you, as her sensitive
pastor, have asked your church member’s (the patient’s) permission to hold such
a prayer vigil for her.
Will she be in attendance at this
service? Does she have family who will be in attendance?
What is your theology around such
services and the prayers they contain? Will you be praying for comfort
and strength and peace, for a miracle (what might that means?) healing (and if
so, what do you mean by healing? What does your tradition say about such?).
These are interesting questions and can certainly contribute to how you shape a
service.
You’ve asked for an outline for a
service, perhaps.
Would it include music and hymns?
Would it include scripture and a time
of prayer for anyone who has a need, in addition to your member around whom
this is centered? (This is a good practice, so that you don’t get into a
scuffle about a prayer vigil for person x but not person y.
I think that all are appropriate, along
with a time for silent prayer.
It occurs to me that now is the time to
have some good conversation with those who are asking for the service to be
held. What would provide them and others in the congregation with comfort and
peace? What do they sense is the purpose of the service?
I hope I haven’t made this seem overly
complicated. I think the intention of your congregation members is lovely—and a
prayer service can be a wonderful well from which to draw strength and
assurance at a dreadfully difficult time. Put together with sensitivity toward
your patient and toward your congregation, I think you can provide a safe
liturgical space in which people can lament, and thoughtfully consider the
power of God’s love even (especially) in the midst of suffering.
Best to you as you seek to strengthen
and comfort God’s people in your midst.
Heidi offers:
Jennifer's response includes the
majority of significant questions around your issue. I just have one
more. The congregation wants to respond to what has happened to their
loved one. Are the individuals making the request, asking out of their
desire to "do" something or are they feeling a need to gather in
prayer around this person? I know that may sound harsh, but so often
these kinds of requests happen in part because in the face of pain and
brokenness, we want to try and make things better. Being in conversation
with the member will help you honor not only her feelings but those of the
congregation. After discussing it with the person at the center of
things, you may find that a prayer vigil isn't what is needed most at this
time.
And Muthah+ adds:
I too come from a strongly liturgical tradition. The Episcopal Book of Common Prayer has a litany for the dying that I have found very helpful over the years.
--
Thank you, dear matriarchs, for these good responses. Are there others of you who have experience or wisdom to share? Please join our conversation in the comments section. And, as always, please send your questions for us to discuss to askthematriarch[at]gmail[dot]com. The queue is empty; we'd love to have your questions!
This is my last column as co-editor of Ask the Matriarch. I am stepping down due to increasing demands on my time from my own ministry and studies, but I will look forward to continuing to serve as a matriarch. I have so enjoyed these last four years of serving as co-editor. For most of that time, I was working alongside revhoney, to whom I remain grateful; Martha Spong also provided tremendous support and help along the way. The matriarchs themselves are an exceptional group to work with. Thank you, dear women all, for your selfless service to this community of sisters.
-- earthchick
Thanks you, earthchick! You're the best!
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks, Jennifer! And thank you for your wise and faithful responses all these years!
DeleteMany thanks, Earthchick!!
ReplyDeleteAgree with the need to watch for "setting a precedent."
Thanks for all you do for us and with us, Earthchick!
ReplyDeleteAbout the prayer vigil, I like the idea of clarifying the purpose (need being met) of the people asking for this. As others have said, that may help to clarify what is actually needed.
I think it's healthy that they are asking for something, even if they don't know what it is yet, instead of keeping their pain or lostness to themselves.
Thanks, Earthchick, for your wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAgree with consulting the individual at the center.
I use the Methodist liturgy from my pocket prayer book (at the moment it's in my desk at the hospital). I would ask the patient, though, to be sure it's something they are comfortable with doing or having done.
ReplyDeleteThanks, all, for the good comments and the nice words! :)
ReplyDelete