Prayer for Proper 8C / Ordinary 13C / Pentecost +6

Lord,

We thank you for our freedom that we celebrate today.

We thank you for our forefathers and foremothers
who worked to set us free.
We pray for those who are not yet free
 that they too may one day be at liberty.
We pray for those who have fought to obtain their freedom.

 

But let us not forget that we have an even greater freedom,

 that comes to us through your son Jesus.
Let us not turn to our selfish desires.
But rather let us live in the spirit, walk in the spirit
with lives that show the fruit of the spirit.
May we treat each other with the love, patience, g
goodness, gentleness, and kindness that comes from you.
May we be faithful to you.
May we master self -control.

 

May the spirit lead us in our days.

Lord sometimes our days are like whirlwinds full of activities,
 meetings, and business.
We don’t know whether we are coming or going,
And we need a double portion of Elijah’s and Elisha’s spirit to make it.
Slow us down, focus us, make us to rest in you.
May we find our peace and joy in you.
Thank you again for our freedom. Amen.


cross posted at rev abi's long and winding road

11th Hour Preacher Party: Jesus On the Move edition

and Elijah ascended in a whirlwind into heaven....

 

 

Good day preacher pals! My goodness, Saturday always rolls around quickly. Have you taken a look at the readings for this week? Did you participate in the Tuesday Lectionary Leanings? Always lots of good insight and ideas there. Are you pondering the Elijah/Elisha story? Or are you working with Track Two and looking at Elijah in the context of 1st Kings? Maybe the Psalms are speaking to you? Or Galatians...well, maybe not Galatians (this is one of my least favorite readings), or perhaps the Gospel, and poor Jesus with no place to lay his head.

I'm in the summer season - which means we have three short, casual, come as you are, services. This also means that my homilies are about five minutes long, even less for the 9am outdoor service with kids (for that service I just ask a couple of questions and offer a short summarizing paragraph). This week I'm thinking about introducing the idea of  /Flat Jesus. It seems like it would be a good time to do this by building from  the Gospel and working off the idea that Jesus has no place to go, so let's take Jesus with us!

What about you? Where are you going with the readings this week?

I have lots of tea and coffee and fresh fruit. Pull up a chair, let's party!

Friday Five: Take FIVE!

Whoosh! My calendar is packed. And June is almost gone! There's the old saying, "Bad luck comes in threes" but I've decided that "Busy-ness comes in fives!" So this week we'll take things five-at-a-time. Tell me:

1. Five flowers you'd like in a bouquet or in your garden:

2. Five books you want to read (or re-read):

3. Five places you want to visit:

4. Five people you'd invite for tea/coffee/beer and pizza:

5. FIve chores or tasks you'd gladly give to someone else:

BONUS: A five ingredient recipe! (This is harder than it sounds!)

P.S. Please let us know if you play by adding your link in the comments! :)

Use this format to include your post's URL:
<a href="the url of your blog post goes here"> what you want the link to say goes here</a>

Thursday Prayer

Grow us slowly, persistently, and deeply, Lord
to be people who watch without distraction
listen without interruption
and stay put without inclination to flee.

Amen.

                               ~~Abba Anthony

                                        (Anthony the Great c. 251-356)

Ask the Matriarch -- Nothing but Silence...

Our question this week is a very poignant and personal one: initially, it's about sermon preparation; ultimately, it touches on every aspect of our ministry one way and another.  We have two very substantial responses to open the discussion -- let's hear from others' experience too!  Our questioner wishes to remain anonymous.  She asks:

Can the Holy Spirit leave someone? I've been ordained for 6 months, second career, I'm on contract serving in a small congregation. They were in crisis when I came, things have settled down, perhaps too much (but that's another question). My sermon prep of study, mulling, praying results in a flash of insight, and the sermons flow out of me. Well, that's what used to happen. Now, there is nothing...no matter what, there is no flash, no insight from the Spirit, only silence. Of course, since I have to have something to say for the sermon, it comes together. But this silence, leads me to wonder if the Spirit has left me, or maybe it's a slump (after only a year?)
Preaching was never something I expected to do, week in and week out. I saw myself as an associate. I'm certainly not gifted, that's for sure, but the insights I believe come from the Spirit gave me confidence to speak. But without the Spirit, I feel like I'm pulling stuff out of the air.. Not sure how, if at all, the lack of feedback from the congregation is impacting this feeling.

Our first response this week --faithful and practical -- is from our friend  Heidi, blogging at You don't have to listen. I just like to talk

Dear Friend-

You are not alone.  Jesus told his friends,  "I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be in you. I will not leave you orphaned..."  This is a promise that can be trusted.  As far as I can tell, Jesus has always been true to his word.  

You are not alone.  Many, if not all, preachers have times when pulling the pieces  together is difficult.  Times when it is really hard work.   For me, when I get stuck, I usually end up following the advice of an old preaching professor.  Sum it all up in one sentence.  What is the point of the text, in one sentence?  The writing may continue to be work that day, but at least I know where I'm headed.  And then there's a prayer that I sometimes use, "God this is either complete crap or something really great.  Could you please work it out?  I've done all that I can."

You are not alone.  Pastors rely on the RevGals "Saturday Preacher's Party," because sometimes they get stuck.  Sometimes they need a nudge, or an idea, or a good illustration.  Jenee Woodard spends great gobs of time collecting and collating resources at TextWeek.com, because preachers need help.  Folks got really uptight this weekend when WorkingPreacher.org went offline because of power outages in St. Paul.  There's a reason there are so many books, articles and blogs on next Sunday's lessons.  And I really suspect that the Holy Spirit is lurking around in those resources.

I don't think the Holy Spirit has left you.  I don't believe she works that way.   I think you might be having a dry spell.  Maybe you need to cultivate some new resources.  Perhaps you need to develop a new discipline for sermon writing.  Or maybe you would find talking to a Spiritual Director or a well seasoned pastor to be helpful as your work out this aspect of your call.  Whatever you decide to do, the God who chases us to hell and back, is not about to leave you stranded in the pulpit.  You are not alone.

Heidi aka RevHRod

And here is another  response out of deep and articulate experience from +Muthah, blogging at Stone of Witness

No, Virginia, the Holy Spirit does not leave us. God never leaves us.  What you are experiencing is very typical of the newly ordained:  Somewhere during the second year of ordination or in a new parish the bottom falls out of our vocation, it seems.  I experienced it.  I have seen it in so many new pastors and it comes no matter how old we are or how young.  But it is a matter of the 'training wheels' that God ordained us with have come off.  And wait until the third year when the 'boo birds' come out and every criticism of your ministry gets flung at you and you want to find a hole to crawl into.  It is part of the cycle of ministry and we all go through much of the same stuff.  You are not the only person that this has happened to.

The first year of ministry or in a new parish is an emotional high.  All the things we have saved up to say flood out of us and we can really feel God working within us.  But we can't stay on the mountain top.  We would burn out if we did.  Most likely, you are also tired and have a hard time getting enough rest too.  Throughout our first year we tend to kill ourselves in service without much concern for our own spiritual nourishment.  And because we have read so much during our training, we may not have read a book since coming to the parish.  So I make a few suggestions:

1. Get some rest--are you taking your days off and are you sleeping enough?  Did you rest on your vacation?
2. What is your personal prayer life like?--have you ignored it or been too busy to take the time of spending time with God?  
3. What are you reading?  Is it something that can feed you spiritually, theologically, or does it delight your soul?  
4. Take some work time to make a spiritual retreat.  Work that out with your board.  It should be part of continuing education but instead of studying, spend the time relaxing in God's presence.
5. I generally have 3 books working at all times:  1 for pleasure, one for spiritual growth and one that just makes me think.  Some of these can be on audio so that you can listen while you drive or walking or doing whatever exercise you choose.
6. Get some physical exercise.  It really does make a difference to how the Spirit flows through you.
7. There are 3 things that you need to plan into your day without fail:  Prayer, reading and rest. If they are not part of your everyday, you WILL fail because you are not doing your job.  You are the spiritual leader of your flock.  You must spend time with God every day. It should be planned into your work time.  Often your parish will not understand that--but you need to make it clear that if you are going to pastor them, your prayer time is part of your work time.  You need emphasize this for your board.

Spiritual ennui, or flatness is the name of the demon in ordained ministry.  You will wrestle with it your entire career.  Sometimes it will be a result of your own inattention to prayer or your spiritual life.  At other times it just is--But remember that Elijah finally heard God in the silence--that silent voice that one must be silent to hear.  I also find that when I am at my most detached from God, God is asking me to have faith in a bigger way, a more determined way.  When I am at the driest I find that if I will spend the time doing the 'due diligence' of study and preparation, it helps.  There will be times when your sermons will be limp but someone out there will need just that sermon that you think is crap. Fear not, God is still with you because God made you and has promised to be with you forever.  Trust in that and relax.  You don't have to be a dazzling preacher in order to be faithful.  And all God asks of us is to be faithful.  Your parish may ask for more--but God only calls us to be faithful.  

And there you have it -- I marvel every week at how the Matriarchs exemplify just what is best and most invigorating about the whole RevGal conversation, with its integration of the pragmatic and the mystical, the inspiring and the matter-of-fact.  Time now to add your voices to the discussion -- what has your experience been?  and how have you responded?

We are in need, too, of your questions, your own quandaries and conundrums about the ministry life -- always welcome at askthematriarch@gmail.com.

All blessings, as ever

Wednesday Festival: One Spark

What is it that gives you spark these days, that nurtures your hope, that teases out your smile, that soothes your soul to rest?

The question is inspired by a poem (by an unknown author) posted by Danny at Sunshine & Shadows, which includes these lines:

One song can spark a moment,

One flower can wake a dream

Perhaps the following stories, questions and observations from our fellow RevGals&Pals will provide the blessing of a spark to warm your spirit or inspire your courage.

+ In her kitchen, Martha shares the joy of a harvest from her blueberry bushes.

+ Julie at Water-Wings sparks a courageous conversation with the question, "If we cannot teach faith to children -- that is, if faith is self-taught -- then what role do we play in children's faith development?"

+ Theresa (Reverend Mommy) records an unsettling dream, and certainly our dreams -- both the ones that disturb us and the ones that inspire us -- are a significant source of "spark."

+ religiousandspiritual shares her morning routine, the activities that provide perspective at the start of her days.

+ Revdonna offers grace in her reminder that we are not called to be superheroes: not Iron Man or Wonder Woman, not even Almighty-Superhero-of-Faith.

+ And much like our recent RGBP celebration of St. Casserole's ordination anniversary and her spark in this community, Elizabeth (A Musing Amma) rejoices that we each have a role to play in nurturing women's leadership and in sparking change for the sake of one another, for the sake of the Church, for the sake of God's reputation as faithful & just.

Comment and share: what is it that gives you spark these days?

Send Wisdom

Antiphon (mantra) repeat quietly:
 
You, O God, endure forever; grant us life by your word.

Canticle: Wisdom 9:1-4, 9-11

God of Mercy,
you have made all things by your word.
In your wisdom you have appointed me
to care for all creatures,
to govern the world in holiness and justice,
with integrity of heart.
Grant me Wisdom, always present with you;
reject me not from among the faithful.

With you is Wisdom, who knows your works
and witnessed the world's beginning,
who understands what is pleasing to you
and what agrees with your commands.

Out of your glory, send Wisdom
to be with me and work with me.
Wisdom knows and understands all things
and will guide and protect me in all that I do.

from Erie Benedictines

Tuesday Prayer of Thanksgiving

Gracious God, today we give thanks!

We give thanks for the people in our lives:
for the trailblazers who made the way as women in ministry,
and for the women who never knew there was a reason not to serve the church,
and for those who are just realizing their calls now;

for wise elders who share their stories with the young,
and for young people who listen with deep interest to tales of long-ago,
and for faith communities that bring many generations into relationship;

for spouses and partners and friends who remind us we are loved with
a comforting touch,
or a knowing glance,
or a shared tear,
or a laugh so loud people look to see what is so funny.

We give thanks for the ways we can remain connected even at a distance:
a thoughtful card,
or a well-timed email,
or a much-needed text,
or a phone call that is a sound for aching ears,
or a Facetime that is a sight for sore eyes,
or a prayer that touches us even when we don't know it's being prayed.

We thank you for the RevGalBlogPals community, lived out:
on this blog,
on Facebook,
on Twitter,
on chat,
via email,
on the phone,
and face to face.

Bless us and all the connections we will make this day and every day. Amen.

(Offered in honor of St. Casserole, around whose blog post this community constellated in 2005. She celebrates her 35th Ordination Anniversary today.)

Tuesday Lectionary Leanings~~Foxes have holes edition

• Beckoning God,
  as you moved in the lives of Elijah and Elisha,
  move in our lives,
  inviting us to journey to unknown territory,
  to listen for your voice,
  and to speak your prophetic word
  in a world that does not want to hear.
  empowered by your Spirit,
  grant us the courage we need
  to journey, trust, listen, speak,
  and accept your commission
                                                to be your faithful servant people. Amen

• It finally feels like summer here, and this week is the last week of school for the town kids (who got whomped with a whole lot of hurricane and snow days this year) which likely means small crowds this Sunday. The Word will still be preached, however, for those with ears to hear, and the will to come to church in spite of summer's allure, and this week's readings give us plenty to work with. 
• Our semi-continuous reading from Kings finds Elijah about to be taken up by God, and Elisha sticking with him to the very end, a model of faithfulness. Elisha asks for a double portion of Elijah's spirit; one wonders if he really knows what he's in for.  
• Jesus sets his face towards Jerusalem in our gospel from Luke, and we know what that means, but it's less clear that those around him get it.  Jesus responds to their somewhat conditional responses to his "Come and follow me" with a series of enigmatic replies..."Foxes have holes, birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." "Let the dead bury their own dead.""No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." 

• 
  
  
  Paul's letter to the Galatians reminds us of the great commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves. The part of the reading that is so often quoted, however, is the part about not gratifying the desires of the flesh, with its list of unacceptable behaviors (fornication, impurity, licentiousness etc.) Where I sit we need to be far more concerned with the embodying the fruits of the spirit -- things like love, patience, kindness, generosity and self-control. 
• 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  If you are a Buechner fan and thinking about Galatians, here's a link that might help you. 
• Where is the Word calling you this week, preachers? Are you invigorated and inspired by these readings or stuck in the summer doldrums? Going off lectionary, or on the narrative lectionary? Join the conversation and let us know what you are thinking/wondering/feeling. As always, this group is a great place to stir things up a bit and get the preaching mojo going.
  
  

RevGalBookPals: Calling Me Home

I grew up in North Carolina (American South) in the 80s and 90s. I’ve lived and worked in the Northeast and Pacific Northwest of the United States, as well as in England for a time. I’ve traveled around a bit as well. So it is not without some experience that I say that I have never been anywhere that did not have some kind of racial or social tension. It is not always black and white. Sometimes it is indigenous and interloper. Sometimes it is an economic disparity- emphasized by color or ethnicity. It’s always been there. Someone always sighs and says, “Those people…” and a choice must be made by the hearer to call attention to subtle racism, overt bigotry, “gentlemen’s agreements”, and inappropriate assumptions that only serve to perpetuate the foundational lies of the unequal structures of our societies.

Regrettably, churches are not exempt from these behaviors.

With this in mind, I encourage you to read Calling Me Home by Julie Kibler. A novel less like The Help and more like Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand (read it!), it takes place in a time collapse between 1939 and the present day (whatever that might be). The premise of the story is a ninety-year-old white woman and a black woman in her mid-thirties on their way to a funeral. The younger woman, Dorrie, works as a hair dresser, with her own shop, and has done Isabelle’s hair for year. Their relationship has deepened, but only so far.

On the road trip to the funeral, Isabelle tells Dorrie the story of her first romance- her true love romance- with the son of her family’s housekeeper. Robert and Isabelle, black and white, were in love, but out of time in 1939 since her Kentucky hometown did not allow blacks to stay in the city limits after dark.

The writing is excellent and the dialogue is believable and warm. The truly villainous characters are a little two-dimensional, but they are also tertiary. The main characters are fully enfleshed and empathetic. The secondary personalities have enough character to make the reader care about them and be angry with them.

The story moves back and forth between the racial dynamics of the late 30s and of the “present-day”. If Isabelle is 90 and was 17 in 1939, the “present day” of the book is 2012. The tensions between Isabelle and Dorrie and strangers who encounter them on their road trip are all too real with a hotel manager who refuses to believe they’re together, restaurant patrons who stare, and a cop who grudgingly gives a speeding ticket to Dorrie because of Isabelle’s presence. The two women even have to deal with their own latent expectations and interpretations of one another’s behavior- always glimpsed through a lens of different races.

Church makes a brief active appearance in this book via the angry pastor who refuses to officiate a wedding for Robert and Isabelle and a kind clergyman who does officiate, after trying to dissuade them. Isabelle reflects later on the churches of her town that support the rules of city segregation. Church also serves as a backdrop for how they can meet and see one another.

As we mark the 50^th anniversary of many significant events in the civil rights struggle in the United States, I’ve been reflecting on how far we have and have not come in those years. Regrettably, tensions still exist. The furor over a biracial family in a breakfast cereal ad proves that the Great Chain of Being still rules the thinking of a significant portion of the population.

Is the church still in this fight? Have we come to accept inequality, injustice, and social spacing as inevitable? Is the fight for racial parity on par with other social issues of our time or do we think it’s over? We cannot assume that part of the kingdom will come without our willingness to participate in the work.

This book, a gentle and almost unremarkable read, opens the doors for conversations in our congregations and communities. What do our men and women’s circles look like? What does the youth group look like? We don’t integrate for integration’s sake, but because corporate worship means the corpus must come together, in all its colors, races, ethnicities, and orientations.

I recommend this book for anyone who enjoys contemporary fiction and for church book groups. 

Monday Prayer: John the Baptizer

Holy Parent of All-

On this his feast day, we give you thanks for John the Baptizer. We praise your hand for his zeal and fervor, for his conviction and temerity, for his courage and his faithful action.

We are moved at his boldness in proclaiming Your kingdom.
We resonate with his hesitation at baptizing his cousin, Jesus- his Savior and our Lord.
We lament his death- too soon- at the hands of Herod and Herod's wife.
We thrill at his call to prepare, in the wilderness, the way of the Lord.

We want to be like him.

But then we don't.

Well, we'd like the same conviction, the same strength, the same courage, the same tangible experience of both Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

We would prefer not to die like him, not to be uncomfortable in diet or clothing, to speak truth to power  but without being terrified of what it will mean for our future.

Can we have one set of requests without the other?

No?

Reflection

Lord, make us like John the Baptizer and quickly, before we can change our minds.

Amen.

Prayer for Proper 7C / Ordinary 12C / Pentecost +5

Oh God our Rock and Strong Deliverer,


We often wonder where you are when we go through troubling times.
It often feels like you are not here that you are more far away from us.
We can’t see you, we can’t feel you and we can’t hear you.
Sometimes we think you will speak to us in a loud voice, and sometimes you do.
Sometimes we think you have to make your appearance in some form of huge supernatural event,
And sometimes you do.
Sometimes we think you have to hit us over the head with a two by four since we can be so stubborn,
And you do find a way to get our attention.
And sometimes we forget that you speak to us through the silence and so just for a moment we sit silently waiting for you to speak…..
And as our hearts calm down and our breath becomes deeper and slower
We focus on you and can hear you…..
And as the tension in our body begins to relax as we give it over to you we are calmer
And can hear you in the midst of the silence…..


And we feel closer to you, filled with your love and grace as we breathe in your goodness into our lives
And as we listen to you…..
We feel we are wrapped in your arms and yet free to move about
And we hear you in a new way……
You enable us to then love the unloved, take away the negative labels from people, see them as you see them, love them as you love them……
We are empowered to reach out to those who are the unseen, the wounded, the lonely, the outcasts, just as your son reached out so long ago to those considered unclean….
And we are given a voice to tell others of what you have done for us and what you will do for them.


And Lord we now pray for those in our lives who are sick, homebound, in nursing homes, and rehabs…
We pray for those who are grieving…….
We pray for those who deal with mental illnesses, addictions, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, chronic illnesses…..
We pray for all these and more your son taught us to pray…….

cross posted at rev abi's long and winding road

11th Hour Preacher Party:Discerning God Edition

Scottish Sunburst

Having just spent the last few days assessing applicants who have offered themselves for Ordained Ministry in the Church of Scotland, I am acutely aware of the need to listen attentively for the voice of God that comes to us in myriad ways. And of the stories of a journey that are to be revered and unravelled so that God's message may be better discerned. Though God's voice may come unbidden in quiet and in solitude, it also comes in the midst of chaos and turmoil. It speaks to the vulnerable and to the strong, it offers hope and promise and opens our eyes to the angels along the way who bring food for the journey.
So where are you in your preaching journey this week?
Are you sticking with the Lectionary?
Are you fleeing for your life with Elijah, being ministered to along the way, finding the courage to come out of the cave and listen to the silence?
Are you discerning God's message of hope and plans for the future for the Exiles in Isaiah?
Are you wondering about that freedom and oneness that Paul speaks of in Galatians?
Or are you chuckling over the curious incident of the swine and the lake in the Gospel?
Perhaps this season you are on a completely different track, wondering why that sermon series seemed like such a good idea when you planned it months ago.
We don't need to be on the same page to be able to help each other. The common task of preaching brings us together
There is much to be teased out for our listeners this week, much with which to comfort and challenge and cajole.
So come to the table, bring what you can, take what you need and, together, we will discern God's message for God's people today, finding nourishment in the task and companionship on the way.

Friday Five: Prayer of Silence (or not)

At the beginning of this past week, I attended a conference on contemplative prayer entitled "Turning to the Mystics" at the 2013 Summer Institute at the Oblate School of Theology in San Antonio, TX. The speakers were James Finley, author and former novice of Thomas Merton; Mirabai Starr, author, translator, and speaker; and Father Ronald Rolheiser, author and president of OST. We were encouraged to regularly sit in quiet to come to realize our union with the Divine, who continually loves us into being.

So for this Friday Five, let us share about our prayer practices, whether silent or not:

1. How do you pray?

2. How has your idea of prayer changed over time?

3. Do you ever sit in silent prayer? How does it go?

4. Do you have any difficulties and/or pleasures in prayer?

5. What is the best advice that helped you with prayer?

Bonus: Share something about prayer or an example of a prayer you like.

Looking forward to reading about prayer. Leave a link in the comments section below. Go here to learn how to do this.

Thursday Prayer

Ground of all being,
Mother of life,
Father of the universe,
Your name is sacred, beyond speaking.
May we know your presence,
May your longings be our longings
In heart and in action….—Casa del Sol prayer of Jesus

From Shalem Institute.

Ask the Matriarch -- When your Family and Friends Want You to Be Their Minister....

This week’s question arose out of conversation during a pre-ordination retreat; but I’ve heard it from more than a few long-serving clergy, and indeed it has arisen for me also.  I suspect it may be just about endemic to our experience across genders and across the denominational spectrum!

Our enquirer asks:

I have come to ordained ministry later in life, and have been surprised at some of the issues which have arisen that were never a problem while I worked in my former profession. I am wondering how to reply gracefully and appropriately to family and friends when they want me to function as their own clergy person. Most of them are not practising members of a congregation;  but they seem to think that "of course" I will preside at funerals, weddings, baptisms and provide prayers at various functions. When, if ever, is this appropriate?  And how do I respond to them when it's inappropriate?

Here’s a response from Heidi who blogs at You don't have to listen. I just like to talk.

Dear Pastor Ma'am,

This is a BIG question which may explain why I have a LONG answer.

For me, the first issue is whether or not you ever do non-member weddings, funerals or baptisms.  Take the question out of the personal realm.  If I showed up at your church would you baptize my child, knowing that you might never see us in church again?  Will you do a non-member wedding?  If a funeral home calls and says they need someone to do a graveside service, will you do it?  Some of this may not be your choice to make.  Does your congregation or denomination have policies related to such activities?   If they don't then I think you need to set a policy for yourself.  Having said that, since it's your policy, you can always change it.  I know I did.

Number two:  will you do these services for family and friends?   I have done weddings, funerals and baptisms knowing that the people involved were not committed to continuing their relationship with my congregation or any other.  And that's okay with me.  I performed those duties with the same care that I would have taken with a devoted church member.  I was clear in explaining that this was a service of the congregation and I would behave just as if they were members.  It took me a while to get to that point.  What has always made the difference for me is that by serving in this way, I got to represent a God that says, "Yes, I love you, even when you don't come to church every week.  Or even every month. Or even every year!"  

Third, when the answer is "no," I think you simply tell them why you cannot or will not be the pastor at a function and give your reason.  If you were a doctor or a lawyer or a realtor, you wouldn't automatically say "yes" to every request.  Friends and family need to know however, that we take their requests seriously and that there is a reason for declining. 

As you may guess, there have been days when I have wondered if I made the right choice.  That was going to happen if I said "yes" or "no."  I just decided at a certain point to say "yes" believing that a positive response offers more opportunities to bear witness to the love of God.

Finally, I think praying in public or at family gatherings is a completely separate issue.  You are going to be asked to pray at meals and gatherings, thousands of times.  Sometimes the invitation will be awkward and sometimes it will come with great honor.  Don't say "no."  Not ever.  Praying is something we're known for so claim it!  Be yourself.  Tell the truth.  Even if it is an ugly or stupid request, it's just another chance to honestly talk with God.  And when is that ever a bad thing?  

Best of luck!

Heidi aka RevHRod

And more wisdom on the subject, from our Muthah+, blogging at Stone of Witness.:

Ohhh, a toughie question!  Since none of my family has even heard me preach in my 30 years of ordination, I am not quite the one to ask BUT....  First and foremost you cannot be the priest/pastor to your own family.  They need their own pastor.  In small towns it is important to have colleagues that can be this for your spouse and children.  Sometimes it may be someone of a different denomination or in a different town.  This is especially important for children.  It is so easy to confuse the role of parent and pastor that the spouse or child misses out on both accounts.

If your family is unchurched, as is mine, they will consult me when it comes to funerals, baptisms or the like but I generally handle it by giving information only--not counsel. 

Depending on how involved your family is in your vocation, a discussion with them about what they want from you might be helpful. It is important to discuss what you are willing to do and what you aren't. Everyone wants to hatch/match/dispatch the members of one's own family.  But I would suggest that premarital counseling should be done by someone outside of the family and perhaps the wedding planning done by a colleague if the pastor is heavily invested in the service (i.e. mother of the bride, etc.). This allows the couple to have some freedom to express their desires. 

It is impossible to be pastor to your parents.  But often that is as much a desire on their part  to be a part of your life now that you are grown up and "important."  I believe my mother was a bit jealous of the intimacy of counseling that I had with parishioners.  But we both knew that she wasn't about to heed anything I was going to say--I was her kid!  She would often ask me questions about faith, but they were mostly informational rather than discussions of the faith journey.   

Hope this helps.

Muthah+ (AKA, Lauren A. Gough)

And finally – from Jan, blogging at A Church for Starving Artists.

Dear Family Pastor,

My husband - who is also a pastor - was asked to baptize a friend's infant without mentioning Jesus and he simply said he couldn't do it.  The baby was going to be raised Jewish like his mother.  But the baby's father was vaguely Christian - and my husband's oldest friend.

The issues we face as "the personal pastor" involve

- our time (we might not be able to do it for reasons of date & time)

- our theology (we can't baptize a baby as a sentimental act)

- our work (if we are the officiating clergy, we are working rather than enjoying a friend/family event as an invited guest.

This can also get expensive.  If we were planning to go to a cousin's wedding across the country anyway, there is no extra expense.  But if we didn't plan to go and then we've been asked to officiate, we will be spending big bucks to travel, stay in a hotel, etc.  You then have a business arrangement on your hands.  In my opinion, the friend/relative must pay your way.  

Blessings & be strong! 

Jan Edmiston 

A Church for Starving Artists

…And what do YOU think?  Lots of wisdom here – any alternative points of view out there in the ether?

We have just one question in the queue at this point – always happy to receive your quandaries and conundrums at askthematriarch@gmail.com!

Blessings,

Crimson Rambler