11th Hour Preacher Party: Our New Home

Looking for the Preacher Party? 

Be among the first to visit our new blog home: RevGalBlogPals. 

Be sure to change your blog links and feed readers to keep up with continuing features and new content.

Friday Prayer: What Name Shall I Call You?

O transcendant, almighty God,
What words can sing your praises?
No tongue can describe you.
No mind can probe your mystery.
Yet all speech springs from you,
And all thought stems from you.
All creation proclaims you,
All creatures revere you.
Every gust of wind breathes a prayer to you,
Every rustling tree sings a hymn to you.
All things are upheld by you.
And they move according to your harmonious design.
The whole world longs for you,
And all people desire you.
Yet you have set yourself apart,
You are far beyond our grasp.
You are the purpose of all that exists,
But you do not let us understand you.
Lord, I want to speak to you.
By what name shall I call you?


- Gregory of Nazianzus

Friday Five: First Times

Ah, I have a tear in my eye...this is the last post I will make at this blog location, because the RevGals blog will be moving to its new location TOMORROW! Come right back here to this spot for the Preacher Party and you'll find a link for the redirect. 

And for today, here's a Friday Five looking at the other end of things: Firsts. With so many folks starting school, college, seminary, etc. I've been thinking of a lot of other firsts in my life.  Share with us, if you will:

1. Your first "place" - whether it was an apartment, dorm room, or home with a new spouse, the first place where you really felt like a grown-up:
2. Your first time away from home. Construe this any way you want. College? Girl Scout Camp? Study Abroad?
3. Your first job in your field of endeavor (so, not babysitting, unless you are A Professional Babysitter today):
4. Your first time hosting. Again, construed broadly, this could be a dinner for the in-laws, your first time to have guests for a holiday meal, etc.
5. Your first love.That can be a person or something else!!

Ask the Matriarch - Queueless

Dear Readers,
This time next week you will find RevGalBlogPals at a new address, to be announced Saturday. We will have a special Ask the Matriarch next Thursday with an all-star panel of published RevGals.
For this week, our question queue is empty. If you have a question for our panel of Matriarchs - all clergywomen with more than ten years experience in ordained ministry - please send it to askthematriarch@gmail.com or leave it here in the comments.
Faithfully,
Martha

Thursday Prayer

You keep us loving.
You, the God whose name is love,
want us to be like you--
to love the loveless and the unlovely and the unlovable;
and most difficult of all, to love ourselves.
So thank you. . . for the loving time.

And in all this, you keep us,
through hard questions with no easy answers;
through failing where we hoped to succeed
and making an impact when we felt we were uselss;
through the patience and the dreams and the love of others;
and through Jesus Christ and his Spirit,
you keep us.
So thank you . . . for the keeping time,
and for now, and for ever. Amen.

~~Iona Community, Scotland

Wednesday Festival: Marching to Zion

I admit that I went looking for a particular theme as I browsed our RGBP network for the Wednesday Festival. Today is the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, and that historic march -- along with Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have A Dream" speech -- has become one of the stories that we remember and retell to give us perspective on this journey toward God's realized kindom.

The March on Washington is like any one of our biblical faith stories that we study, read aloud and sermonize to remind ourselves and our faith communities of what the journey looks like...and where it is going. We share these stories when we feel lost. We sing them when we feel embolded. We question them when we need new vision.

So for our Wednesday Festival, I perused our blogs for journey stories and faith stories and not-sure-where-I'm-going-but-this-moment-holds-me-up stories. Here is a brief sampling (only because my internet browser has crashed twice now amidst posting). If you have a particular story about what sustains your journey, please share in the comments!

• Sally's journey is marked by a hug that is shared without too many extra words or advice, but simply offered to recognize life's strains and vulnerabilities.

• Following a move, Laura is acclimating to a new space -- such a critical factor in our experience and daily perspective! She reflects on the realization that many of our daily routines function on "autopilot."

• Tony shares two favorite scripture verses. A memorized verse or song or poem or prayer can secure our souls when we feel weary or lost.

• Returning to photograph the church where she was ordained, Michelle reminds me that the sensory markers along our journeys (not only the stories) become important icons that we revisit as well. 

• Deb provides a reminder that the journey is not the enemy; she is building a labyrinth using bricks in the backyard, because so often solvitur ambulando: it is solved by walking.

Blessed walking and marching, friends!

Wednesday Prayer: Let us leave a little room

Augustine of Hippo said:

Let us leave a little room for reflection in our lives, room too for silence. 
Let us look within ourselves and see whether there is some delightful hidden place inside where we can be free of noise and argument. 
Let us hear the Word of God in stillness and perhaps we will then come to understand it.

Tuesday Evening Prayer

Seen on a co-worker's bulletin board (so forgive the grammar)

Blessed 

are those who laugh at themselves

for they will be

amused forever!

amen. 

Tuesday Lectionary Leanings~~Entertaining angels unaware edition

Lord Jesus Christ, make those who love you, and who love you in return, mirrors of you to those who are unloving; that being drawn to your image they may reproduce it in themselves, light reflecting light, love kindling love, until God is all in all. Amen. After Christina Rossetti, 1894

Frank T. Griswold. Praying Our Days: A Guide and Companion (Kindle Locations 800-802). Kindle Edition. 

September 1! NO way.

I am so not ready for the end of summer (in fact I am still on vacation as I write this,) but here we are. In the U.S. we will be celebrating Labor Day weekend, many of us are gearing up for a new program year, and kids have either returned to school or will be doing so in the next few days. My oldest granddaughter is starting kindergarten tomorrow! This weekend my congregation will be joining others in our deanery for an end of summer picnic and outdoor Eucharist, complete with baptism. Appropriately enough our RCL readings for this 15th Sunday after Pentecost focus (in part at least) on the theme of hospitality.

Our Hebrew scripture reading from the prophet Jeremiah finds Jeremiah voicing God's lament that the people God brought out of Egypt have in essence abandoned the hospitality that awaited them in the promised land--both the abundance of the land and the largesse of God's love. Instead they have defiled the land and worshipped false gods, exchanging "their glory for something that does not profit," and digging out "cisterns for themselves, cracked cisterns, that can hold no water." How much do those charges apply to the ways we choose to live today?  

Our new testament reading continues with the letter to the Hebrews. This section echoes the call to radical hospitality we hear in Jesus' teaching in the gospels (it especially brings Matthew to mind for me, but perhaps that is because Matthew is my favorite gospel.) This passage also hearkens back to Abraham's visit from the weary travelers, who were in fact angels in disguise. How often might we entertain angels unaware? And how often have we turned them away?

This week's gospel finds Jesus under close scrutiny as he joins some Pharisees for a Sabbath meal. Sabbath meals were times for gathering together family and friends, and in a culture where status was extremely important, one can imagine that there might have been some jockeying for invitations, and for the seats of honor. Jesus wants no part of that; in fact in counsels the arriving guests to take the lowest seats, and advises his hosts that in the future they should invite not those who will reciprocate in kind, but rather the poor and lowly who have no way of returning the kindness. How often is our hospitality tied to at least an implicit expectation that we will get "credit" for it? And can we let go of that?

So where are you headed on this first Sunday in September?  Are you winding up a summer series? Having a fall kick off? Riffing off Labor Day? Perhaps you'll choose the alternative readings from Sirach or Proverbs or focus on a psalm. Join the conversation whether you have questions, inspiration, or just want to say hi! The welcome mat is out, and the coffee is on!

RevGalBookPals: Love and Salt

I have to confess that I'm an inveterate writer of real letters, the sort where you scratch out words, twine a last minute addition to a paragraph around the edge of the paper, and tenderly fold up to slip into an envelope.  I love the physicality of putting pen to paper, and delight in the thought that this object I have put my hand to will land in the hands of someone I care about.  And to find a letter or a postcard in my mailbox in return is a unlooked for but utterly delightful grace.  

So when I heard Amy Andrews and Jessica Mesman Griffith, the authors of Love and Salt: A Spiritual Friendship Shared in Letters talking about their exchange of letters last April I added it to the top of my summer reading list. 

Amy Andrews and Jessica Mesman Griffith met in a creative writing workshop while they were graduate students in Pittsburgh.  On a class trip to New York City, they came across a copy of the Book of Ruth and were captured by the line

Whither thou goest, I will go
Thy God shall be my God.

A few months later Amy moved to Chicago to teach math and Jessica took a job at Notre Dame.  When Amy, who had grown up with a religious bent in an agnostic household, decided to become a Roman Catholic, she asked Jess to accompany her through the process, to be her sponsor.  Jess vows to write a letter (not an email!) to Amy every day during Lent, and Amy decides to write in return.  They continued to write to each other intermittently over the next five years, writing they say,

"...to preserve and make sense of our daily lives; we wrote to confess and console, to rant and grieve.  But more than anything else, we wrote because it was the only way we know how to pray...In our letters, we wrote ourselves back to belief."  [p. xi]

I suspect many of us who blog and preach have walked this path. Writing is a way into a relationship between God and ourselves, our friends, our congregations and our readers.  We write, to paraphrase CS Lewis, because we can't help ourselves; we write because we're helpless; we write because the need flows out of us all the time — waking and sleeping; we write, not to change God — but to change ourselves.  

In these letters, Jess and Amy share their joys and concerns around faith and God and religious practice, the whole of it wound into the fabric of their everyday lives: birthdays, basketball games, and baptisms.  Above all it recounts their journey of faith; not one that is piously placid, but one that takes them through lands that are green and through howling deserts.  It is not a journey that leaves either Amy or Jess unscarred.  There is love and there is salt.

Though there is a natural narrative arc to the collection of letters, loosely organized around the liturgical calendar — Lents, Easters and Ordinary Time —  it is not a book to be drunk too quickly.  I read it in short pieces over two months, and even then it felt like I was moving too fast.  I wanted to hold this faith journey gently, to listen to Jess and Amy's story, to hear in it echoes of all our faith lives.  At this point, I couldn't share my copy with anyone, I wrote so many notes to myself in the margins.  

[Spoiler alert:  Since this isn't a novel, I'm not sure there is anything to spoil, but just in case you want to let the journey unfold in its own way, without knowing much about the events that shape it, skip to the last paragraph.]

If you are still with me, know that the second part of this book is what makes the title so apt, and for me, so powerful.  Both Jess and Amy become mothers in 2006. Jess to Charlotte, Amy to Clare.  Clare dies just before she is born.  Amy struggles with God, with fear, with rending grief, as she mourns Clare and then becomes pregnant with a son, John.  Jess struggles with being alone with a newborn while her husband is away working in another city.  Through their letters, and in person, they walk with each other, grieving, listening, a ministry of steadfast presence, whither you go:  

"Again, the consolation was not of relief, but accompaniment." [p. 254]

says Amy of two aunts who drove miles to be with her at Clare's burial.

The letter format means that the raw roller ride of grief is very evident, as good and bad days are swirled together.  Having lived through a similar period of wrenching grief in my twenties, I can remember the odd way that joy and pain wound around each other in those days, and wish that I had known that this storm tossed pattern was normal, or as normal as anything can be in such times.  

In summary, this is an exquisite book. Read it if you want to see how faith looks when it is clothed in doubt, rings with joy, is rent by grief, when it comes alive in our messy human lives.  I'm hoping it inspires a host of similar exchanges, whether on paper or electronically or shared over coffee.  

• What inspires you to put pen to paper and add a stamp?
• Have you ever carried on a sustained correspondence, either through email or on paper?  or dreamed of doing it?
• Thomas Merton noted in a journal, "To write is to think and to live — even to pray."  Do you find writing to be a way to pray?  

Share your thoughts in the comments!

______

I bought a physical copy of this book from Amazon, and page citations refer to that version.

Prayer for P 16C / O 21C / P +14

Lord as we come before you today in prayer and worship, We are ever mindful that we have been created by your Lord. You knew us even before we were born. Sometimes we forget that Lord and go about our days thinking of ourselves as just a lump of clay. But according to your word we are much more than a lump of clay. We are your children. We are the ones you have called to speak your word to all people. We are the ones you have called to open the doors for justice in our world. We are the ones you have called to feed the hungry. We are the ones you have called to pour your healing oil on aching and hurting persons. So Lord we pray for your forgiveness of all our sins. We pray for healing of our diseases.. We pray for the redemption of us all. We pray that you crown us with love and mercy. We pray you wrap us in your goodness. We pray you that you renew us. We pray that you make everything right in this world. We pray you put victims back on their feet. We pray for the healing of the brokenhearted. We pray for healing of our broken world. Amen cross posted at rev abi's long and winding road

11th Hour Preacher Party: Stand up straight edition

A walk on the beach

On this side of the pond, our schools have started back and many families are establishing some kind of routine again after the long summer break. To keep things simple in church, though, we continue with shorter, earlier summer services until the end of the month. That means that it is September before we get back to "normal" and our adult and youth programmes get going again.
This summer I've simply journeyed with the Lectionary gospel readings, offering brief reflections each week. This will be my last Sunday of that and I'm pleased at the gospel that I get to finish up on. The story of the woman bent over to whom Jesus brings healing, encouraging her to stand up straight on the sabbath.
Tuesdays Lectionary Leanings provide a good starter for this weeks readings - from Isaiah, Jeremiah, Hebrews or Luke.
I'm looking forward to getting back to the old schedule of later worship and longer ramblings. Sometimes its harder to preach for a shorter time - or maybe its because I don't spend as much time preparing as I should in the summer.
Where are you? Still in that space between summer worship and getting back on schedule? Or do you maintain momentum all the year round? And how are you fixed for preaching this week? Are you bent over with the burden of the task or standing up straight, lightened by the gift of words to preach? Come and party with us as we share what we have and ask for what we need so that, together, we can "walk those dogs proud".

Friday Prayer: Let it out

God,

You know the secrets of my heart. 

So, why do I have to pray? If you already know, I'd hate to put the Holy Spirit out of a job. 

Yet, the words pour forth. 

My concerns... my fears... my needs... my joys... my desires...

The foremost thoughts tumble out and they are slowly caboosed by the truths that I cannot hide from you. 

I cannot help, but pray. 

You can help and do. 

Thank you. 

Thank you. 

Thank you. 

Amen. 

Friday Five: Packing or Packrat?

We are 90% done with the pack-em-up-and-move-em-out week here are our hacienda. One daughter is moving to her first apartment, the other daughter to her dorm for her freshman year of college. Not gonna lie, it was an adventure these last few days!

As a part of the process, we let our daughters manage their own packing (with our input and support.) Part of that educational experience (for all of us) was letting them figure out how to create their own organization, make choices, and consolidate what they were packing. And also pack carefully enough so that they could still get everything in the car -- and in the dorm/apartment!

It made me realize that there are some elements to packing and moving that are learned, and some that are innate. So let's talk "packing or pack rat?" for this week's Friday Five.

1. Are you a sorter or a pack rat? What I mean by that is, do you select what you are taking with you (on a trip, a new assignment, a vacation), or do you pack with abandon (overweight suitcases be damned!)

2. Who first helped you learn how to pack? Or did you just come into it by osmosis or natural gifting  (and need)?

3. What's your favorite kind of suitcase? Duffle? Soft-side? Wheels? (I am personally a fan of my "expanding zipper" wheelie suitcases. Saved my bacon on many a return trip home!)

4. Do you have that "packing gene" -- or do you pack and cram what you need into every available space?

5. What's one thing you've learned in traveling, packing or storing your belongings that you think everyone should know?


Be sure to put your link in the comments so we can visit and glean from or wisdom (or sympathize with your conundrums!) If you need to learn how to link, the instructions are here!

Thursday Prayer

Lord, make me like crystal that your light may shine through me.

~~Katherine Mansfield (1888-1923)

Ask the Matriarch: Taking It Personally

Is there one of these for everything?

Somewhere along the way, someone surely said it to you, too: "Don't take it personally."

It almost doesn't matter what area of ministry is our specialty, or how long we have been engaged in the work. Everything we do feels personal, and every negative response we get has the potential to feel personal, too. This week's questioner tells a story we might all recognize. The longer you stay in one ministry setting, the deeper the relationships become, and the more personal feeling is potentially at stake.

I've been serving my current parish for almost seven years. The Head of Staff has been here about three times as long. I recall that when I first began serving here and would ask about some folks on the membership rolls who I learned had left our parish to attend elsewhere (some without telling us) he'd remember them and express disappointment and almost take their departure personally - especially the ones he'd served through intense pastoral care (death of a loved one or severe illness.) I remember thinking how strange he should take it personally that someone would leave our church, even if he did provide them excellent pastoral care in years gone by. As churches grow and change it is natural that some folks will move on.

Well, now I'm regretting those early thoughts, as I find myself in his shoes! One family stopped attending our church in April and is now attending another local church. I emailed to check in on them and learned in the reply that they'd enjoyed the decade they spent at our church but, "Changing churches was a big decision that had been on our hearts for a couple years...and we feel strongly that where we are now was God's plan for us."
My first thought thought was, "Really, it's been on your hearts for a couple years? Because if you'd moved on a few years ago it sure would have saved me a lot of gas visiting your family at the hospital an hour away when your daughter was born and spent months in the NICU." I know that is an absolutely terrible thought/feeling to have...and I realized that I was taking it somehow personally that someone I'd invested so much time caring for changed churches and had felt that need "for a couple years."
I'm still trying to sort out my feeling about investing such time and energy into pastoral care situations and then feeling as though those relationships are essentially meaningless after a time. (Maybe I'm mostly bothered that they "slipped out quietly" and didn't bother to let us know they'd found another church home until I contacted them?) Thanks to any matriarchs who've worn these shoes before and can offer wisdom!
We have a great set of responses this week, so many thanks to the Matriarchs!



First, some thoughts from Sally-Lodge Teel, aka St. Casserole:

I keep a special place in my heart for members who move to other churches. I miss them. Most slip away and I don't find out why until they tell another member. Only once did I get a letter explaining why they dropped us and moved to a new congregation. That family felt I didn't talk about hell enough and wanted to find a place with the "real truth". For those who know me, when did I ever preach with hell as the focus? Even so, I miss this family, too.

I leave people, too. When I finish a pastorate, I'm gone. All the conversations and closeness of a pastoral relationship end. I do not return for weddings or funerals or a visit, without the permission of the current pastor.

Consider yourself, as pastor, one of the many workers in a garden. You offer your love, time and abilities, then someone later takes up the work of loving the people. You can't be replaced, you were there for the NICU but now you commend the family to God's good care and trust/hope they will find the growth they seek.

Next, a regular contributor, Muthah+ says:

It is normal to take someone's leaving personally, but is not helpful when it does not come from your own failure. People change; their family needs change. You did not visit them for you. You ministered to them because Christ called you to do so. Rejoice that they are finding Christ elsewhere. Many don't. 

Many do not see the pastoral relationship as central to faith. They see it as our job. Lamentably many of our judicatories see it the same way! Sigh!  But you know differently. 

All I can say is to thank you for your fidelity and ask you to continue to share your faith. We often think that membership is up to us. It isn't. It is up to us to proclaim the Gospel, be faithful, help others act upon the Gospel in their lives. Jesus didn't say anything about keeping them in the pews. 

Sharon adds:

When members leave the church, it hurts. It even sucks.  They do tend to leave at times of crisis, theirs or the church's. They tend to sneak away &/or leave a trail that stinks.  Every time, it's painful. I wish that your members could have told you how much your ministry surely meant to them, even if they did feel they had to leave.

The hardest part -- you identified it! -- church members quite often don't get what we do, why we do it what it costs us, and what they mean to us.  They don't consider that their leaving is a re-membering of the very Body of Christ.  From where they sit, their church-shopping decision has nothing to do with you.  It's not anything you did; it's not anything you needed to know about; it's not personal.  This is how they may see it.  We clergy can feel betrayed because "we are here until we find something better over there" is not the deal that was made between God and member at baptism and in church membership covenants.  And we gave until it hurt.

The ministry approach that is helpful to me is this: The ministry things I do, especially the "above and beyond" things, I do in response to God going all out for me.  I minister to them as a gift to God, not as a gift to church members.  Church members will disappoint and betray, and they very often don't intend to.  And then they will go and do something amazing and be the church, for a moment here or an hour there, beyond what you dared to pray for.  Noticing those miracles and shining the light on them -- that's the antidote I've found to becoming cynical about church members who disappoint, or worse.  

Let them go, and keep the faith!

New addition to the Matriarch group, Ruth Everhart at Work in Progress, has these words:

Oh, I feel your pain! Every now and then our pastoral role can take a real toll. It's the nature of the beast. The pastoral role feels like friendship, but it's not (it lacks an easy reciprocity). The pastoral role feels like a professional exchange, but it's not (it lacks clear boundaries and a fee structure). Instead we are spiritual leaders to a community, often working among people who are overwhelmed and confused. Sometimes our efforts don't generate the return we expected, so of course our feelings get pinched up in the middle of it all, we are not automatons. 

But you don't know anything about what this family is thinking/feeling. It sounds like the family is in the middle of changes that they're not able/willing to communicate to you. You will need to be okay with that. Their leaving isn't a referendum on the quality of your ministry, even though it might feel that way at the moment.

Good for you for expressing your disappointment, hurt and anger. Perhaps this is an opportunity to reconsider the boundaries of your role, I can't tell from the letter. But I do know this -- none of what we do is about us, even when it feels that way. Peace to you!

And Jan Edmiston (a church for starving artists) recommends offering a blessing:

Leaving a church is complicated and it happens in countless ways:  from slamming doors and throwing keys to "slipping out quietly." Sometimes it happens because someone merely got out of the habit, and after choosing bed over pew too many Sundays in a row, it stopped being an option.


It's natural to take it seriously and we've all done this.  Who wouldn't feel hurt to "lose" a family that we've invested our very best skills and time in - not to mention the lost relationships?  But the bottom line is that this is not about us.  It's about the reign of God and if people can connect better with God in another congregation, we should bless them on their way.  It still hurts - but that just means we loved them.

Readers, what do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

If you have a question for our panel, please send it to askthematriarch@gmail.com. 

Wednesday Festival: Finding and Sharing What You Need

I highly reccomend visiting Yearning for God and sitting with "Not God" for few-- truly the start I needed for this hectic hump day.

My second favorite post of the morning comes from Liberal Rev and the "Goofed Up Bible".

And my third reccomendaton for the day...here has been much talk about spiritual but not religous folks asof late so I was intrigued by Talk With the Preacher's post Confessions of a Religous but not Spiritual. Check it out!

May you find what you need today!

When you do...please post a link and share in the comments.

Wednesday: Prayer of St. Anselm

O Lord my God,
Teach my heart this day where and how to see you,
Where and how to find you.
You have made me and remade me,
And you have bestowed on me
All the good things I possess,
And still I do not know you.
I have not yet done that
For which I was made.
Teach me to seek you,
For I cannot seek you
Unless you teach me,
Or find you
Unless you show yourself to me.
Let me seek you in my desire,
Let me desire you in my seeking.
Let me find you by loving you,
Let me love you when I find you.

From the Director

Header images will rotate at random. Send your pics!

You can help move RevGalBlogPals to the next level. Our goal to fund the final four months of 2013 is $12,000. We have received donations of $1435 thus far, so we have a long way to go! Won't you make a donation by PayPal?

Until we reach a higher level of giving, I am donating my time as Director. Here are some of the things I'm working on right now.

Today I'm re-categorizing old blog posts, to make them easy to find on our new website, due to go live on August 31st with that day's 11th Hour Preacher Party! You will find links here, on Twitter, at our Facebook Page and in our Facebook Group directing you to the new URL. One of the great features of the new template is a header that uses a variety of pictures. I am looking for more "pheetos" and photos of RevGals at meetups formal and informal, as well as RevGals engaged in the work of ministry (mission work, worship leadership, particularly images of Baptism and Communion). Pictures should be in landscape orientation and the ideal size is 920 by 360 pixels. If you have pictures you are willing to share, please send them to revgalblogpals@gmail.com.

As part of this move, I will be shifting our blog roll to a new format. That may take a little longer than the website debut, but have no fear, any blogs that still exist in cyberspace will be listed, with older/inactive blogs listed on a separate blog roll for Emeritus Bloggers.

I am also in planning mode for RevGals ReGroup (to be presented in Texas in October and in Chicago next April), for our new summer leadership conference REVive (set to debut in July, 2014) and even planning with Scottish RevGals for a RevGroupEvent of some size in April, 2015.

Other hopes that are as close to home as your computer or tablet include Google Hangout lectionary discussions for the RCL and the Narrative Lectionary. If you would like to participate in an online preacher group, please let me know in the comments or via email: revgalblogpals@gmail.com.

If you have ideas for RevGalBlogPals that aren't reflected here, I would love to hear about them. If you want to Skype or Facetime or Google Hangout with me, just let me know!

Again, you can make a donation via PayPal,

or send a check to:

RevGalBlogPals, Inc.
2101 West Oak Street
Denton, TX 76201

RevGalBlogPals, Inc., is a 501(c)(3), and all donations are tax deductible.

A Tuesday Prayer

ah...
for early alarms that wake us to beautiful days,
we give You thanks.
for kind people in new situations,
we give You thanks.
for when our hearts our confused and broken and someone gets it,
we give You thanks.
for when we robotically take the bread, the wine,
and someone else believes for you
that it is heaven and hope,
we give You thanks.
for virtual and real colleagues,
oh my sweet Jesus,
we give you thanks.
for breath and sighs and sadness and loved ones, and HGTV to escape,
we give you thanks.

Oh God.
Life is a wonder,
a conundrum,
a  disappointment,
a joy
when one longs to follow and serve you...
when one knows that she isn't perfect or even the best,
but still....
Oh God.
Help.
and
Thank You.
Amen.

Tuesday Lectionary Leanings~~Can I do that on Sunday? edition

Grant, O merciful God, that your Church, being gathered together in unity by your Holy Spirit, may show forth your power among all peoples, to the glory of your Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. 

I'm getting ready for the second part of my vacation (time with family--hurrah!) so my mind is firmly fixed on "summer" but the brisk weather of the last few days reminds me that fall is just around the corner. Many of us are knee deep in preparations for the start-up of fall activities, but we still have those sermons to prepare. Do you know where you're headed for this week, the 14th Sunday after Pentecost?

For those of us following the RCL (readings here) we have a choice between two prophets for our first reading. We hear the story of the call of the prophet Jeremiah. This passage is evocative, both in the way God says,  "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you," and in the way Jeremiah responds to God's call and is reassured --haven't many of us experienced something like this? The alternative reading comes from Isaiah, so-called 'third Isaiah' this time, in which the prophet speaks to a post-exilic community, admonishing a people struggling to rebuild their vanquished city to remember their obligations to care for others and to honor God sincerely and promising God's blessings if they do so.

The new testament reading comes once again from the letter to the Hebrews and like the reading from Isaiah, both admonishes its hearer to remember their duty to God and encourages them on their way, reminding them that , "indeed, our God is a consuming fire."

In our gospel reading we continue to follow Jesus on his way to Jerusalem. It's the Sabbath and we find him teaching once again in a synagogue, where he encounters a woman bent over and unable to stand straight. When he heals this woman, the authorities call him out for breaking the Sabbath; Jesus responds, justifying his action and reminding us that our traditions can become hindrances when we adhere to them too strictly or for the wrong reasons.

Are you hearing God's words speaking to you yet? Feeling pulled in one direction or another? Finishing up a summer series? Wherever you're head, wherever you're floundering for that matter, join the discussion! We need each other!

Sunday Afternoon Music Video: Vespera

My oldest son heads back to college in a few days, and one of the things I will miss is hearing him extemporaneously sing with his brother in the kitchen. Madrigals mix with bits from Wicked, add, too a dash Moses Hogan. It's all accompanied by the splash of water as someone cleans up and the clanging of pans on the stove as the next meal gets underway. I'll miss my personal boy choir.

This choral piece spoke to me of the tenderness of the evening times, as the sky wraps around us, and God's grace settles over us.

As the summer in the north draws to a close, may God gently wrap you in grace and hold you safe through the days to come.

Have a favorite piece of "gentle-ing" music?  Share in the comments, so we can stash some calming grace for the next chaotic day!

Prayer for Proper 15C / Ordinary 20C / Pentecost +13

God, of all song and dance, You sung your creation into being long ago You sung songs of love to those who would listen. You have kept singing your heart song. Lord today sing your song today to those of us listening to you as we prepare to lead worship and preach your word. Sing your song to those who come to worship, Sing your song to those in their hospital rooms, their homes and nursing homes. Sing your songs to those on the streets looking for work some food and shelter. May your creation hear your song and dance to the tune. May your people hear your song and dance joyously to you. May hearts sing along, May hearts who forgot the song, begin to remember the words and music. May the ones who ears have been deaf to you hear your song and come alive. May your song stir a newness of life in us all. Sing once a gain your song of love …. cross posted at rev abi's long and winding road

11th Hour Preacher Party: Not This One again...

"When you see a cloud rising in the west, you immediately say, 'It is going to rain'; and so it happens." (Luke 12:54)

 

 After a summer filled with cool temps and LOTS of rain we now face a week of heat with no rain in sight. Perhaps my tomatoes will ripen? Maybe my allergies will ease? Maybe I can sit outside on the deck and drink iced tea. Alas, this random thinking is not at all where the preacher party is going, but it does reflect the state of my mind.....(vacation is less than 48 hours away)

And so here we are, another Saturday! What in the world happened to all the other days in this week. 

Oh, right....they have come and gone. In my case they were all consumed by our Summer Arts Camp, "Growing in Faith Through the Arts." It was a fun, exhausting, busy, exhilarating, exhausting (yes, worth mentioning twice, ergo the state of my mind) week. (There really is nothing quite like spending creative time with children!).

That's why the weekend has come way too fast, for me. What about you? Are you ready for this day, this 11th Hour of preaching prep? And if so, what text are you considering?

 I have to admit. The Gospel this week is NOT my favorite reading. I have preached on it, or at least on one of the texts for this week, many times in the past. But I am not fond of reading this passage let alone preaching on it. Especially this

Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division!

Seriously?

Thankfully, I'm not preaching this week, our Curate is (see above, "exhausted"...). But if I were I would probably preach on the beautiful words of Isaiah.

My beloved had a vineyard on a very fertile hill. He dug it and cleared it of stones, and planted it with choice vines; he built a watchtower in the midst of it, and hewed out a wine vat in it; he expected it to yield grapes, but it yielded wild grapes.

Yes, reflecting on yielding wild grapes would definitely be a metaphor I might play with.

So, what about you?

Pull up a chair and grab a mug. I have plenty of beverages to share and fresh produce aplenty (blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, tomatoes, corn on the cob...)...Regardless of where you are going with your sermon, if you have a brilliant idea or are completely stuck, we are here to journey through this day with you.

Friday Prayer: Lord Jesus, You Shall Be My Song As I Journey

Lord Jesus, You Shall Be My Song

Words Fr. Stephen Somerville
Melody Jackie Bennett

Lord Jesus you shall be my song as I journey
I’ll tell everybody about you wherever I go
For our life and our peace and our love is yourself
Lord Jesus you shall be my song as I journey

Lord Jesus, I’ll praise you as long as I journey
May all of my joy be a faithful reflection of you
May the earth and the sea and the sky join my song
Lord Jesus, I’ll praise you as long as I journey

As long as I live, Jesus, make me your servant
To carry your cross and to share all your burdens and tears
For you saved me by giving your body and blood
As long as I live, Jesus, make me your servant

I fear in the dark and the doubt of my journey
But courage will come with the sound of your steps by my side
And with all of the family you saved by your love
We’ll sing to the dawn at the end of our journey



Song in French: https://soundcloud.com/mark-mummert/lord-jesus-you-shall-be-my

Friday Five: Habits

The weekly church reading group I facilitate has just finished reading and discussing The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. It is a fascinating book with research about business and people's habits or routines. The author bases much of his book on recent brain research.

Although this is a secular book, our discussions led to greater awareness of God and of mindfulness in our lives. After all, spiritual disciplines are to help us form habits that will foster greater recognition of and living in the ways of  God.

The author writes, "Some habits yield easily to analysis and influence. Others are more complex and obstinate, and require prolonged study. And for others, change is a process that never fully concludes." (276)

So for this Friday Five, let us look at our habits, both personal and/or in our organizations:

1. Good habit(s)?

2. Habit(s) you wish to change, add, or delete? Do you struggle with this?

3. Tell a success story about one of your habits.

4. Have you noticed different habits or routines that are in churches or where you work?

5. What would you like to become a practice at your present workplace?

Please play and leave a link in the comments of this FF Post. Here's some easy directions on how to do it!

I am currently on vacation, so I will check back in as I am able. 

Thursday Prayer

O God of mercy, we cannot understand. . . .
     why all of our needs are povided
while others are still oppressed with need
We could have been born in another land.
We pray for all who lack food and clothing,
who are cold and ill,
who have lost home and country,
who are disheartened and discouraged
who are unemployed or underemployed.
Give us the will and provide the grace to love them all in you
and in loving to help bear their burdens and meet their needs.
In Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

~~Mildred Tengbom

Ask the Matriarch: The Gracious Exit, or Get Me Out of Here!

"When can I leave without seeming rude?"

This week's question builds on a Facebook Group conversation.

Greetings Matriarchs and Rev-Mothers-in-God:
As a ministry student on my final and full-time placement I find that I am now doing more pastoral/ parish visiting.  I enjoy this part of ministry immensely, love listening to people's stories, pastoral issues, etc. but... there are some folk, who, whilst being utterly fab, seem to keep you pinned to the sofa for several hours.  This afternoon, a visit to a kindly and wonderful couple saw me there for 3 hours.  Obviously, if the visit has got into very deep pastoral stuff, that is entirely different from just a 'wee blether' ['blether' = 'chat'], however, any advice regarding appropriate and sensitive exit strategies when on parish visits would be most welcome!!

Thanks
N

It's amazing how complicated ministry can be, isn't it? As a pastor who spent her first home visit eating cake for hours with a delightful couple who swore they hadn't been visited in 30 years, I feel your pain. Now's a good time to hear what more experienced pastors also learned the hard way.

Muthah+ writes:

Most folk know that you have other people to visit.  So set yourself a schedule that allows them to know that you care but also have to do other things.  Hospital visits should be short and sweet, after all they are there to heal and rest.  Home visits really shouldn't go more than an hour unless you get into one of those deep pastoral things that you have already alluded to.  Offer to return if it is needed.  When you are a pastor in a parish, you don't have the time to give 3 hours.  

You need to be the guardian of your own time.  Some people can't wait for you to go and others will keep you there all day.  But you must set your boundaries.

And kathrynzj adds:

Here are the three things that help me: 1) When I make the appointment I tell them that I am doing visits that day or in some other way plant the seed that I'm not staying for the afternoon; 2) when I arrive I let them know that I have an appointment an hour and half from when I've arrived (these are well visits, not hospital visits so I expect an hour) - so if I arrive at noon I'll say, "I'm so glad to spend some time with you, my next appointment/meeting/picking the kid up off the bus is at 1:30 so we have some time to catch up." 3) At any point between 50 minutes and 80 minutes when there is even the slightest bit of a pause I say, "This has been so wonderful, may I pray with you before I go?"

In my experience if they are not 'with it' enough to catch those social cues then in general they are not the types that will get upset if you finally just leave. 

And then there's this...

There were certain people who I knew I could visit if I needed a safe space or a quiet afternoon. Now that I'm in a congregation where I have a different role, I miss some of those deeper connections. Sometimes it's okay to get off the hamster wheel and enjoy your pastoral role.

Ruth Everhart keeps it short, but sweet:

Dear "N" -- I have been sunk into that very same sofa! Perhaps it would help to follow the advice about "an ounce of prevention." Announce your plans upon arrival: "I'm so happy I can stop by for the next (40 minutes). Yes, I'd love a cup of tea, and then I'll be pushing off at (2:45), as I have other visits to make. I'd love to hear what's new with you, then have a few minutes of prayer together." Good luck! 

Neither of these is the actual Rambler. 

And finally, The Crimson Rambler responds with her usual panache:

Dear N -- I too have sometimes arrived at a visit with an announcement of time constraints; but on a get-acquainted visit, I remember I used to set myself a tacit time-limit, and at that point make a "I should be going, I should push along" noise, and listen very carefully for the response -- and if the response was "Oh, but I was just about to put the kettle on" I would re-settle myself.  I did make some visits that were much too long, I know.  But it was a shock to my world-view to find out that parishioners wanted to be visited, were glad to see me, and reluctant to let me leave.  It was much easier when I was assistant-clergy with fewer demands on time and energy, because I often had the freedom to respond to situations that I did not expect to find -- for example, when I called upon a long-inactive member of the congregation and found her in terminal illness.  It was very good to be able to change plans and re-arrange schedules "in midstream."

On other occasions when I had to be elsewhere, I used to arrange with the parish secretary-- or a family member --  to page me tactfully at an appropriate interval -- 45 minutes or an hour, usually.

There was another learning, actually post-retirement.  I was doing interim ministry and was warned that a particular couple were "voraciously needy" and would eat up all my time, etc., etc.  In the event, I suggested to them that I come for a visit every week on a definite day at the end of the afternoon on my way home (they lived on my route homeward).  So they knew they would see me at 4:30 and we would have Holy Communion and prayers for their various ills and aches, and I would go promptly on my way with the assurance I'd see them again next week.  That worked very well...I was glad not to have the stress of having to decide whether or when to visit...they were happy...I was happy...and I got to know other aspects of who they were than just their "neediness."

The best of blessings to you in your visiting ministry -- and you'll be blessed in doing it, in the most delightfully unexpected ways!

Readers, what think you? What makes it hard to set these boundaries?

***********************
If you have a question for the Matriarchs, please send it to askthematriarch@gmail.com.

It's Wednesday Festival Time!

We're headed to the Rhode Island coast immediately after church on Sunday, but there's such a variety of writing around the ring this past week that I'm reminded that summer is a time of fullness as well as a time for escape:

Sarah writes a wonderful letter to her potential home buyers in And I Give Thanks.  She really makes me think about what I might say to whomever buys our home after our (so far) nearly thirty years here.  (No, no plans to move at present.)

A Musing Amma Elizabeth writes about her grand-dog as a spiritual companion.  Our grand cat is coming to stay soon and, though someone else will be caring for him most of the time, I'll be very glad to have furry company for a couple of days.  (And I saw a mouse scurry under the kitchen cupboards this morning, so presumably the cat will be occupied.)

As a longtime and still somewhat serious birder, I enjoyed Rev Glenda's sermon on birds.  I don't know why I've never thought to survey the birds in scripture!

Another of our published pastors, Elizabeth of Irreverent: Musings on Faith, Love, Life and Politics shares a newspaper column she wrote on ministers addressing the issue of gay marriage. 

Need something to chew on?  Chris at Liberal Rev asks a provocative question: Could an atheist preach in your church? 

And for something remarkable, read what Erin has to say about the Holy Spirit creating community in just seven weeks of summer in Did She Say Seminary?  This is a conundrum which often plagues me, as it seems that so much of ministry happens in brief spurts of time with people not well  known to us, and I am usually one for longevity.  This reminder is a keeper.

Hope it's a rich and satisfying rest-of-the-week in your pastoring life!

P.S. Just under the wire: Rachel G. Hackenberg has written a brilliant response to the unsatisfactory piece "Eleven Things You might Not Understand About Your Minister" which has been making the rounds.  Rachel uses Rahab as a Model for Ministry in a post that I so wish I'd had under my belt a few weeks ago when someone asked me about friendships with congregants, someone who was apparently hoping for a response other than the muddled one I offered about boundaries. 

Lots of great reading this week!

Wednesday Prayer: Feast of Jonathan Myrick Daniels, August 14

Jonathan Daniels was a seminarian at Episcopal Divinity School in New York City when he learned of Dr. Martin Luther King's call for for northern volunteers to march to Selma, Alabama in 1965. Then, he asked himself, “Can I spare the time: Do I want to spare the time? Do I want to go?” Reluctantly he concluded that the idea was impractical.But that evening, Jon changed his mind —  and he went to Alabama. His last act was to shove a black teenager out of the path of the bullet intended for her. As a civil rights worker he was shot and killed in August 1965.

Before he was killed, Jon explained his calling to go to Alabama: “I had come to Evening Prayer as usual that evening, and as usual I was singing the Magnificat with the special love and reverence I have always felt for Mary’s glad song. ‘He hath showed strength with his arm….’ As the lovely hymn of the God-bearer continued, I found myself peculiarly alert, suddenly straining toward the decisive, luminous, Spirit-filled ‘moment’ that would, in retrospect, remind me of others – particularly one at Easter three years ago. Then it came. ‘He….hath exalted the humble and meek. He hath filled the hungry with good things…’
I knew then that I must go to Selma.”

 Source for text above & icon: jeanhite.wordpress.com

O God of justice and compassion, you put down the proud and mighty from their place, and lift up the poor and the afflicted: we give you thanks for your faithful witness Jonathan Myrick Daniels, who, in the midst of injustice and violence, risked and gave his life for another; and we pray that we, following his example, may make no peace with oppression; through Jesus Christ the just one, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Read more about Jonathan Myrick Daniels here and here. 

Lectionary for the Feast of Jonathan Myrick Daniels

Source: Santospopsicles.blogspot.com

Tuesday Prayer

Sometimes,
in moments such as this one--
nothing special about it,
just another day,
surrounded by
ordinary life
of errands to do,
toilets to clean,
sleeping dogs at my side,
cloudy skies promising rain,
my soul
is at peace.

Thank You
for this moment.
Amen.

Tuesday Lectionary Leanings~~Bringing fire to the earth edition

God of all the nations,
you rescued your people out of the Red Sea
and delivered Rahab from battle;
you rescue the lowly and needy from injustice and tribulation.
Surround us with so great a cloud of witnesses
that we may have faith to live by your word in our time,
courage to persevere in the race set before us,
and endurance in the time of trial. Amen.

It's that time of year: for some vacations are in full swing and for others the school year is beginning. And in the RCL, the readings are full of division and discord, warnings and judgment, interwoven with notes of faith and hope. Is this enough to get your preaching juices going?

We begin with a reading from the prophet Isaiah, who uses the analogy of a carefully planted and tended vineyard nonetheless producing wild grapes to describe what God has in store for God's chosen people if they don't mend their ways.The other OT choice comes from Jeremiah, who warns against prophets who preach word they were not commissioned to speak. Is not my [true} word like fire God asks. 

The gospel passage promises fire as well as Jesus announces that he comes to bring not peace but division, setting families one against another. The NT reading from the letter to the Hebrews provides the most hopeful note, as Paul continues to rehearse God's mighty acts of salvation in response to faith. 

These are not easy readings; how do you handle Jesus' hard sayings? Where do you find the Good News? Are you leaving these readings aside for the narrative lectionary or a summer series? Join the discussion and let us know where the Word is beckoning this week-- and if inspiration is yet to hit, join in anyway. Often one preacher's questions become another  preacher's fodder. 

RevGalPrayerPals: Monday Prayer

Again and again we return to you, Most Welcoming God.

Again and again we seek your face, searching
for that glint of grace in your eyes
for that insightful word from your tongue
for that compassionate smile on your countenance.

Again and again we sit at your feet, learning
to love more often, more tangibly
to give more selflessly, more unreservedly
to listen more carefully and speak more boldly.

Again and over again we share your table, marveling
at the abundance of your life
at the wellspring of your imagination
at the hope that we find when we rest in you.

Again and again we give you thanks, Most Wondrous God.

Prayer for Proper 14C / Ordinary 19C / Pentecost +12

Dear God, This is your little flock, Sometimes we are afraid Sometimes we are afraid, because we still feel like little children in this big world. Sometimes we are afraid because we listen to the media too much about just how bad and wrong things are in this world. We forget to listen to you and put our trust in you. We forget that we have put our heart with you and that our treasure is with you. Remind us, encourage us, and empower us. We want to be your little flock in this world that is generous and gives to the poor. We want to stay ready as we await your return. We wait faithfully for you Lord. In the meantime may we hold up in faith those who are in the midst of suffering, crisis, death and dying. May we bring hope to those who feel their circumstances are hopeless. May we show grace and mercy to those who are in need. May we love those who feel unloved. Let it be said of us that we are your church, your little flock, your beloved. Amen

11th Hour Preacher Party: Back in the Saddle Edition

It's my first week back after being on the "conference circuit" for a couple of weeks.  I've had two full weeks, including two Sundays, off for vacation and continuing education.  However, even the vacation week was at a Presbyterian conference with my family.  I've heard speakers and taken workshops.  For two weeks there I had the opportunity to worship in some sort of community pretty much ever single day (Confessions of a Tired Summer Pastor #2: It was kind of too much.)

I know I'm not alone in having hit a conference or two this summer, so here's what I'm wondering as we come to the Preacher Party this weekend - - How do you get back in the saddle again?  Do you have a "sure fire" way to preach that first sermon after you've been gone without totally stressing out?  The first one back is often as hard as the last one before I leave for me, and THAT one is hard!

Anyway, the party is here, for those who are just back or those who are still working their way through the season.  Join us in the comments so we can support each other in all our different lives.

Peace,

SheRev/Stephanie

(P.S. My house went on the market this week, and an open house got scheduled for Saturday right in the middle of the day.  I have some cleaning up to do in the morning, but not too much. Yet, my internet is going to be spotty in the middle chunk of the day, so I apologize if I don't get to chime in well throughout the party. I'll be back in the evening!)

Friday Prayer - Serve God

Holy God,

At Vacation Bible School
the children are learning
to serve
Family
Friends
Community
You

It all makes sense
You make us able
to help one another
You hope we will do it

It seems so simple
when we teach it to
children

But when we examine our days
we find we serve other things
Earthly Kingdom Requirements
Bosses
Paperwork
Debts
Expectations

Remind us how simple
it really can be

Love You
Love each other
Love the other
Love ourselves

In Jesus' name
Amen.

Friday Five: Keep Calm and Cowgirl Up!

O.K., so it is the second Friday of August, and I don't know about you, but, REALLY????? 1/3 of the way through August?

Seriously, though, the last month has been charged with so much professionally and personally, and my mantra has been, "Keep Calm and .......",  filling in the blank many ways.  Sometimes its "and breathe", sometimes it's "and pray",  and other times it's "and call your friends", which seems to be the most used one, because my friends are the souls that remind me to breathe, pray, laugh--and even sometimes, to "cowgirl up!"

So, in that spirit, here is your Friday Five:

1.  First, how are you doing? What's going on with you?

2.  Is there anything you need to Keep Calm and Cowgirl Up for?

3.  If you were going to make a "Keep Calm and __________" logo for a t-shirt, what would it be?

4.  What are you looking forward to in the next week or so?

5.  Use the following words in a sentence:     cape, river, dancing, paws, glory

As always, let us know that you played in the comments by using the following formula: Here's some easy directions on how to do it!

Announcing RevGals Regroup Texas

RevGals ReGroup

Glance Back/Look Ahead

Assess your Ministry and Prepare to Lead into the Future

(10 Contact Hours ~ 1 CEU)

October 25-26, 2013

St Martin Episcopal Church

223 S Pearson Lane

Keller, TX 
(Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex Area)

RevGals Regroup will feed your heart, mind and spirit, offering "galship" and a practical ministry application. 

Our presenter, Martha Spong, is the Director of  RevGalBlogPals and a United Church of Christ pastor. Glance Back/Look Ahead is a tool she devised for a colleague trying to keep her head above water; it is applicable to ministry in any context.

 Registration fee of $95

includes all event materials,

lunch and dinner Friday and breakfast Saturday

  Contact revgalblogpals@gmail.com for a brochure.

The next ReGroup will be April 25-26, 2014, in the Chicago area. 

Thursday Prayer

It seems to me Lord
that we search much too desperately for answers,
when a good question holds as much grace as an answer.
Jesus,
you are the Great Questioner.
Keep our questions alive,
that we may always be seekers rather than settlers.
Guard us well from the sin of settling in
with our answers hugged to our breasts.
Make of us a wondering, far-sighted, questioning, restless people
And give us the feet of pilgrims on this journey unfinished.

~~Macrina Wiederkehr

Ask the Matriarch: What to Tell Them

This week we hear from a pastor doing good work on her personal life and trying to do it right with the congregation, too:

My fiancé and I are engaged to be married in October. The pastoral charge I serve has already booked my time off, and are super supportive and excited about it. Thing is, certain things have been coming up in my relationship with my fiancé, and I'm beginning to realize that October is too soon to get married. We have issues that need to be dealt with first, and three months aren't very long to work through these things, although we have started. What I want above all is a happy, healthy relationship, and only to get married when it feels right (read: when I'm excited rather than worried). We've been talking about postponing the wedding. That in and of itself, I can deal with. I also know the proper channels to work through when it comes to telling the congregation. What I need help with is what to tell the congregation. I don't know now if our issues are able to be managed/resolved or not. That said, I don't necessarily want the congregation to know that, although I imagine just the fact that we will be postponing the wedding is enough to get them thinking it. Have any of you gone through this before? Do you have any words of wisdom around sharing the pertinent information, etc?

Thank you,
A concerned fiancée and pastor

Our matriarchs are concerned for you as much as for what you tell your congregation. Read on.

Dear Smart Fiancee and Pastor,

I applaud your wisdom in knowing that you need to take the time to work on issues before you get married.  Not everyone is willing to do that for fear of the consequences and the chatter that will inevitably happen.

My inclination at this point would be to write a letter to the congregation which would be sent by regular mail.  I would thank them for their previous support.  Tell them that the two of you have decided to postpone your wedding at this time.  Ask for their prayers and remind them that this is a deeply personal issue and you know that they will respect your privacy at this time.  (You might tell them if you are receiving pastoral care and counsel, but even that detail is simply none of their business.  However it might lessen their fussing over you.)

If someone asks questions, stick with the same strategy:  thank them for caring, ask for prayers and shut it down.  You don't owe them any more explanation than that.  You deserve to have the space you need around this issue.

God's blessings on these coming weeks and months.

Heidi aka RevHRod

Dear Concerned F and P,

First, how wise of you to hold off until you feel more certain. You have my prayers as you navigate this shoreline and decide whether to land or not.

Where the congregation is concerned, keep it simple. "We are postponing the wedding. I will let you know when there is more calendar information to share. I will/will not (whichever suits you best) be taking the time off in October." Yes, they will likely ruminate on this news. Some may even discuss it. Be prepared to smile sweetly when a prying question is asked and say something like, "I will let you know when there is anything more to share."

Meanwhile, look for the support you need outside your pastoral charge. Be sure you have friends or mentors or family members you trust who will listen for the truth of the situation rather than reflexively campaigning for a wedding or a break-up.

That's more than you asked for; I hope things become clearer for you.

Martha at Reflectionary

We have several questions lined up to be answered, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't send yours. Just email it to askthematriarch@gmail.com.